Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My love(ly) life

A man I've known for years, but haven't seen for ages, was at the hotel today. He came by my desk to say hello and see what was new and (of course) said, "So how's your love life?"
My defenses usually go nuts with questions like this, but I've come to realize that people are HOPING I have a good answer for them.
The thing is, yes, I knew what he was asking and no, I am not dating anyone, but I wanted to be sure he knew that my life is amazing, rewarding and oh so fulfilling!
I answered him, "I have an amazing LIFE--FULL of love and FULL of life!"
Of course, that's not exactly what he was asking. But telling him that I did not have a 'love life' would have invited even MORE discussion!
There seems to be a common misconception that all single people are hoping to be attached. Though most will admit that we would like to find that special someone--someday--the vast majority of us are living quite contentedly and enjoyably (and peacefully)--on our own. Despite an interesting job, a beautiful home, amazing children and interests in restaurants, books, sports, movies and traveling the globe, people always seem to ask me one thing over and over:
"So, are you seeing anyone?"
Of course there is variance in how this is asked...and the follow up questions are actually even more um, painful? Ridiculous is more like it.
Yeah, but deep into my sixth year of single-ness, the questions are even more fun to answer.
Listed below are ten statements I've heard repeatedly during my five and a half years of being single. I am not speaking for everyone, but I would imagine most single people would kindly ask you to refrain from saying these things to us, no matter what our stage of life...no matter what our dating thoughts might be. No matter what.
  1. I can't believe you're still single! (Honestly, what is the answer to that?)
  2. You're probably too picky. (Really? REALLY?)
  3. You're too outgoing/too independent/too into baseball. (Yep, that's me.)
  4. You should try to be more needy. (I truly hear this one all the time...)
  5. Maybe you should lose some weight/dress differently/get rid of the bangs. (You're probably right on this one. But don't say it anyway.)
  6. How is {insert former husband's name here}? (I have no idea. And, [and I say this in the kindest way], I do not care.)
  7. You're too confident. Guys are probably intimidated by you. (Thank you? I'm sorry? I hear this one all the time too.)
  8. You should get a dog/cat/bird/fish. (I hear this CONSTANTLY! Yeah, no. Never. Do you know me at all?)
  9. You should get out more, volunteer, join a book club, take a dance class, etc, etc, etc. (You're probably right on this one too. But sitting in the tub with a beer and watching baseball in my jammies is sooooo nice!)
  10. It's gonna happen when you least expect it. (AARGH! Please please please--I beg of you--please never say this to anyone! I'm not expecting it! That's the point!)
It's funny to think about turning the tables: I would never ask my married friends why they are still married. I would never tell them that they should have been pickier. I would never suggest that they need to lose weight or change their hair or that they should volunteer at a hospital or get a canary! How come they feel that they can tell me that?
Thanks for understanding...it's really so easy. Ask me about my job or what I'm reading or about my trip to Kenya or Italy or France! Ask me about my kids or yoga or the Dodgers! I'm always planning something and going somewhere.
I'm certain we won't lack for interesting conversation!

And I promise, the minute I'm seeing someone...
you won't have to ask.

3 comments:

Kelly said...

Love, Love, Love this one!!!

Anonymous said...

Amen my fellow single friend!!! I was cracking up as I also get the same comments. Why dont we start asking married people- so how is YOUR love life? Bet that would shut them up!

Anonymous said...

Amen my fellow single friend!!! I was cracking up as I also get the same comments. Why dont we start asking married people- so how is YOUR love life? Bet that would shut them up!

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