Sunday, May 26, 2013

Me/Us time

I know it might sound a tad selfish…but I’m making a starting right now, new-life resolution to stop worrying about everyone else, stop helping everyone else and stop THINKING of everyone else…and a promise to start just taking care of me. (And Dave, of course.)

Let me explain a bit more so you know where I'm coming from. Whenever I’m going somewhere (shower, party, ballgame, dinner) I instinctively think ‘OH, 'so and so' would LOVE this…OR "I should invite her to go too!’ OR, “wow…I think I’ll get extra tickets so we ALL can have fun…”

Then, something happens: Frustration, resentment, nervousness--and I end up getting angry (at myself of course) because it doesn’t work out the way I ‘saw’ it being. It becomes frustrating or confusing or doesn’t happen at all or just doesn’t work out for one reason or another. People decide they can’t make it (last minute), don’t feel good, THEY ARE LATE SHOWING UP--or, once we get there they aren’t having as much fun as I am (or, I’m not having as much fun as they are!), or they whine, complain, etc, etc, etc….and I sit there WISHING I had just come alone. Or stayed home!

I frustrate myself trying to be sure everyone is taken care of, feels good, and is enjoying themselves.
Yes, I’m the one who ends up angry. Yes. At me.

And so the reason for my new life resolution: it’s time for me to stop worrying about including everyone else. I’m going to be taking a little sabbatical from helping others have fun.
And, I’m going to start planning and  ENJOYING life with just me. (And Dave.)
Does anyone really care anyway? I am fairly sure no one is even going to notice!

Dave and I are very much alike in this way and need to hold each other accountable.
We need to just start worrying about just us.
We’ll go to dinner, to a movie, to a game.
And be on time and laugh together and enjoy each moment and just take care of each other.

No frustrations. No anger.
Just us.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

11 days...

In eleven days, I will be 50 years old. I can't tell you what that just did to the pit of my stomach--JUST TYPING THAT.
I can't believe I'm 50.
If I didn't know...I would guess that I am 38. In fact, when I hear people say that they are 38 I have to hold back from saying, "So am I!"
Truth is, I really am younger today than when I WAS 38. I'm healthier. I weigh less. I'm more active.
And much happier.
I worked so hard in my 20s. I had two little children, worked as a waitress, kept an immaculate house and chiseled away (albeit very slowly) on my college degree throughout my 20s and 30s. I never stopped...I was VERY productive...but I was tired all the time.
I definitely have more energy now!

I have not one regret from that time period--I loved every second of raising my two awesome kids, and I TREASURE the fact that I earned my Bachelor's degree over 17 years. I also really LOVED my time as a waitress at Coco's and even loved the fact that I kept the cleanest house on the block.
But I am LOVING these days more than I ever thought possible. I have a job that keeps me hopping (literally!), I am secure financially (for the most part!), I have time to sit down and read and time to blog and time to spend with my fabulous, true, life-long friends.
Celebrating my 50th!

And, I am in love! Truly. Madly. Deeply!
Most of the time, we both feel like teenagers when we are together (except when we are both looking for glasses so we can read something!) and we CHERISH the time that we have together...
because we know that, despite the fact that we feel like teens and that we could both practically pass for 38 (ok, in a dimly lit room, maybe...)
yeah...despite all that...
we are 50.
Victor Hugo said, 
"Forty is the old age of youth and fifty is the youth of old age."

We are younger than we'll ever be.
And we are going to enjoy every single second. 
I am (oh so very close to being)
50! And I feel fabulous.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Spray la vie

A few nights ago the shower head snapped off--mid-stream--causing a few curse words to echo through the house.
Once I was able to feel my way to turn off the water as it sprayed in every direction, I held the fatally wounded shower massager in my hand--and I could see what bad shape it was in. It looked terrible!
As I thought about it a bit--naked and wondering how I was going to take a shower the next morning--I realized that I had brought this shower head from my last house--and from the house before that! That made it nearly EIGHT years old.

As I laid in bed the next morning knowing that a trip to Home Depot was in store after work--I started to realize that MANY of the things I bought when I became single--over EIGHT years ago now--are getting OLD!
Do you realize how crazy that is to me?
I used to measure the newness of something knowing that I had purchased it since I moved out on my own. It used to not be so long ago.

But now when I tell people that I've been single for eight years, I am aware of the fact that it sounds like a very long time. SO much has happened in those eight years...and yet, they often seem like a blip.
It was only then that I realize my iPod is also eight years is my printer, my blow dryer and (gulp) most of my clothes. I'm suddenly aware of how old my new things are.

As quickly as it's gone by...eight years is a very long time.
And, obviously, for shower's a lifetime.