"I bless the rains down in Africa"

Knowing it was my last day before my big trip, people were coming by my desk yesterday afternoon to say goodbye. It was interesting that several of them sang words from Toto's Africa to me as they wished me a good trip to Kenya.
I looked up the lyrics when I got home.
The song is about a man who is in Africa, waiting for his girlfriend to join him there for a visit. He is 'blessing' the rains in Africa, because he gets to have a break from his working routine and, as he tells his love in the song, "gonna take some time to do the things I have never done."
I have never been to Africa. Actually, I never had any desire. Allison of course has been four times already and will be living there for an extended period. I am going 'along for the ride'...or so I thought.
Like I have mentioned in previous posts, I do know I am supposed to be there. Everything has fallen into place to make the trip happen (well, the packing still needs to be done, but I'm working on it!) It's also coming at a very crucial point in my life--alone for 3 1/2 years now, kids grown and independent, good job, beautiful home and enough money to live comfortably. All of that, mixed in with a grueling amount of free time, finds me OFTEN asking myself, "Is that all there is?"
Mid life crisis? Empty Nest Syndrome? Something like that perhaps. I guess I keep thinking if I find the love of my life, it might be the piece that's missing and that a relationship would help give me the new energy and new attitude I am so desperately seeking. Obviously, true love has eluded me. But I am starting to realize that it's not the answer anyway. I admit...I am truly confused about what the rest of my life holds. Yep, sitting in my beautiful home, working my fabulous job, surrounded by great friends and family...yet, deep inside my head and heart...I am screaming for something more.
As I read the rest of the lyrics to Africa, this line jumped out.
"I seek to cure whats deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become..."
Has a Toto song has given me the revelation I've been searching for? Cause I gotta tell ya, that line pretty much nails it. I AM frightened of what I have become: Someone who is not satisfied. Someone who thinks she'll be happy when...Someone who has become ungrateful.
I am definitely seeking to cure what's deep inside. Is it the heartache of really never having the one thing I have wanted most in my life? Or have I truly missed the bigger picture? I know I am searching for a way to fill the longing I have in my heart.
Of course I know that this trip is not just about ME and what it's gonna do for ME and how it's gonna help ME. I know that we will be working and helping people who couldn't even fathom having all I have. I know I can use my energy and God-given positive attitude to make a small contribution, a little bit of difference in that world. The thing is, it is going to affect me and I am actually hoping it's a huge kick in the butt.
Or, better yet, an immense softening of my heart. Along with a huge jolt of gratefulness.
I will be seeking throughout this next two weeks. I am seeking a total cleansing of my heart and soul and mind. I want to open my eyes to the bigger picture. Not only in MY world, but in THE world.
There's one more profound line in the song...as he is waiting and anticipating this time to 'do the things he's never done', he seeks the counsel of an old man:
"I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, its waiting there for you.."
I am taking a break from my working routine. I am taking a break from my personal life. I am taking the time to do the things I've never done and, I am opening my heart up today. I am seeking to find a cure to what I have become. I'm taking the time to do some of the things I've never done...
I am seeking fresh perspective in my life.
I think I hear God this morning. He didn't use a Bible verse or an ancient melody. Nope, He spoke to me in the way I hear best...in the way I listen: he used an old song from the 70s...
He is saying, "Julie...it's waiting there for you."