I've spent most of my life around lots of people and staying really busy. I am the oldest of five kids and by age 21 was married with two kids of my own. I was always taking care of a house and a family, and was constantly working as well as going to school. I YEARNED for spare time...for free time...for time to relax! I had lists of things I wished I could do if it weren't for the laundry to wash, the meals to cook, the camps to run, the house to clean and the kids to drive from here to there.Now...fast forward to January 2005 when I was PLUNGED into a valley--no, a desert--of free time. It was as if God said, "You want time alone? OK, my dear, get ready...here ya go."
And you can't find anything you want!
And so it was for me at the beginning of this new season of life. My friends would say, "You can do anything you like now!" I would scream, "I have no idea what I like!" They'd ask me what my hobbies were. Seriously? I had not had a "hobby" since I did one needlepoint project in 1978...what did I do in my free time since then? Sleep!
This new alone/spare/free time was absolute torture. I was totally bored and completely lost. I did not have any idea how to live alone, because I never had. It was painful to shop and cook for one. And it was nearly impossible to fill the empty hours and days! For me, it was a whole lot easier and more comfortable to run a household and be really busy.
My counselor kept telling me that this time was a vital part of my healing process (DEAR GOD did I hate hearing that) She'd say, "I promise you, you will not regret this time...one day you will look back at this alone time and see it for what it really is--a gift."
It took several months of adjusting...but I gradually began to understand, and even appreciate being on my own. Six months into single hood and I began to kinda LIKE it! I was just taking care of ME and I had never taken care of me at all before. By the end of that first year, I really was comfortable being alone. I started going to the movies in the afternoon, grabbing a book and camping out at Starbucks and I became a master of the "single person's dream dinners": Pop Tarts & Pinot, Cheerios & Corona, Peanut butter & Patron, Hotcakes and Heineken. No recipe books, no prep time, very little clean up and easily eaten in front of the TV--and totally fun to blog about.
So now, after five years of single living, this life feels very normal. I pretty much do whatever I want to do. I go for a walk, or I don't. I clean the house, or I don't. Sometimes I put my pajamas on at 4 in the afternoon and sit on the balcony and read a whole book. Other times, I sit and watch an entire season of TV on DVD. I've learned to be more spontaneous and, though I still don't totally enjoy it, I even know how to relax! I have hosted multiple holiday gatherings, showers, dinner parties (SO much easier to cook for EIGHT!) and have made a meal in my beautiful home for nearly every person in my life! I have not only figured out what I love to do--I now do it! I've become a regular at the gym and the local restaurants, I sneak off for a movie in the middle of the afternoon, I go to as many baseball games as possible and have literally traveled the world! More than anything else, I have fun and I laugh...and I truly enjoy every single day.
I've gotten really good mileage out of this "free time gift card" I was given. And I don't have to wait to look back...I already appreciate it much more than I ever thought I could.
Still, I gotta be honest...I'm really hoping that one of these days...the card runs out.
This new alone/spare/free time was absolute torture. I was totally bored and completely lost. I did not have any idea how to live alone, because I never had. It was painful to shop and cook for one. And it was nearly impossible to fill the empty hours and days! For me, it was a whole lot easier and more comfortable to run a household and be really busy.
My counselor kept telling me that this time was a vital part of my healing process (DEAR GOD did I hate hearing that) She'd say, "I promise you, you will not regret this time...one day you will look back at this alone time and see it for what it really is--a gift."
It took several months of adjusting...but I gradually began to understand, and even appreciate being on my own. Six months into single hood and I began to kinda LIKE it! I was just taking care of ME and I had never taken care of me at all before. By the end of that first year, I really was comfortable being alone. I started going to the movies in the afternoon, grabbing a book and camping out at Starbucks and I became a master of the "single person's dream dinners": Pop Tarts & Pinot, Cheerios & Corona, Peanut butter & Patron, Hotcakes and Heineken. No recipe books, no prep time, very little clean up and easily eaten in front of the TV--and totally fun to blog about.
So now, after five years of single living, this life feels very normal. I pretty much do whatever I want to do. I go for a walk, or I don't. I clean the house, or I don't. Sometimes I put my pajamas on at 4 in the afternoon and sit on the balcony and read a whole book. Other times, I sit and watch an entire season of TV on DVD. I've learned to be more spontaneous and, though I still don't totally enjoy it, I even know how to relax! I have hosted multiple holiday gatherings, showers, dinner parties (SO much easier to cook for EIGHT!) and have made a meal in my beautiful home for nearly every person in my life! I have not only figured out what I love to do--I now do it! I've become a regular at the gym and the local restaurants, I sneak off for a movie in the middle of the afternoon, I go to as many baseball games as possible and have literally traveled the world! More than anything else, I have fun and I laugh...and I truly enjoy every single day.
I've gotten really good mileage out of this "free time gift card" I was given. And I don't have to wait to look back...I already appreciate it much more than I ever thought I could.
Still, I gotta be honest...I'm really hoping that one of these days...the card runs out.
No comments:
Post a Comment