Monday, October 27, 2008

Disappointment

For YEARS I have said over and over again, "Expectations are planned disappointments." Wikipedia defines disappointment as the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest.
This morning I am disappointed. Deeply. I am trying hard to process some of these feelings and I am realizing that it's not going to be easy. I have a much easier time with regret. Wikipedia defines regret as an intelligent dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. At least with my regrets, I know I did something I shouldn't have or made a poor decision and I OWN those mistakes and consequences. Much easier for me to accept and deal with my regrets.
Today I am overwhelmed with disappointment over situations and consequences that I didn't cause. I made good decisions, I did the right thing. I had hope and reasonable (not ridiculous) expectations of outcomes.
I am not sure I have ever been THIS disappointed. In just about every area of life.
The last couple of months have been crazy. Starting with the Dodgers' rise to the top only to be three games away from going to the World Series, and have it all disappear in front of my eyes. Nothing I could have done about that. But it sure was disappointing.
But that's an easy one. How about the value of my home, which was thought to be a "good investment" 2 1/2 years ago when I bought it? It is now worth roughly $150,000 less than what I paid and I am having a tough time making the payments these days. And, unfortunately, there is truly no way for me to get out from under it. HUGE disappointment.
Want more? The majority of my savings (including the small chunk left from my divorce settlement) has disappeared. Literally. "Lost" in the demise of the stock market last month. Almost everything. Where is it? I can't begin to figure that out. GIANT disappointment.
One more? Last night. A personal one. I forgot how much that kind of disappointment could hurt. My expectations definitely failed to manifest. Devastatingly disappointing.
I know that no one ever expects this kind of post from me. But once in a while I have to admit--to the world AND myself--that--despite plans, good intentions and hopeful expectations--life is not always good. It's often quite painful.
And that's truly disappointing.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
(Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Alli Hibb said...

I'm sorry you're sad. Drink a beer, take bath, smoke a cigarette...that will help...I mean, wait...what?

I love you.

Gina said...

I'm sorry. I agree with Alli. Drink and smoke in the bathtub would be the best.

Protege said...

Julie, unfortunately disappointments are a part of life. But don't I just know how bad they make you feel.:( When I go through days such as this, I try to focus on what or who did NOT disappoint me.;) I f you can find one good thing today in your life, it is maybe not such a bad day.

Suefalla said...

La vie est dure!

Julie, I'm sad that you experience all those disappointments.

If you don't want to smoke a cigarette or drink a beer, or you have already done that, lets go and eat lots of chocolate. I swear it helps!!

I'm thinking of you!

Ramos Family said...

Julie, I am starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel and I know you will soon too.

SarahD said...

I guess you're human after all....
Don't make me get astrological on ya.....but this is all 'Scorpio Power'.
Look that up on Wikipedia, they should have a great definition for it.

Seriously though, I love you and look up to you through good and bad.
Hang in there.
sassy