Plan BE

As I gear up for my 30 year high school reunion this weekend, I've been reminded of something that happened five years ago, on the night of my 25th reunion. My friend, Sonja, had come over to get ready with me before the event and we spent a good amount of time primping and getting ourselves gorgeous for the big night. I had a FABULOUS new dress to wear (in a very tiny size) and, once my hair and makeup was done, I very carefully slipped it on. I sucked in my tummy and held my breath, while Sonja zipped the dress up for me. TWO SECONDS later, as I went to grab my purse and walk out the door, the zipper on my dress SPLIT open! It was totally broken and, despite a good 10 minutes of trying, was absolutely not able to be re-zipped.
Sonja and I just stood there.
Laughing.
What was our option, really? Get angry, stressed and mad? Cry, complain, refuse to go to the party? What would that have gotten me?
Thankfully, I had another (though not nearly as cute) dress that I was able to quickly put on (once we CUT the other dress off of me!) and we hurried off to the reunion.
Plan B.

I knew a woman several years ago, whose husband left her. Despite the fact that she had four young children and a home in desperate need of her attention, she laid on the ground crying for nearly a year. Her children suffered tremendously--not because her husband had left--but because she was not able accept reality and move forward in life.
She was unable to acknowledge that it was time for Plan B.

There are the things in life that you plan to do, then there are the things that you end up doing. The more you surrender to life's flow--whether it be a broken zipper or the end of a marriage--the happier, more peaceful--and FAR more enjoyable--your life will be.

It's the resistance to reality--the anger at circumstances--the 'wishing' things would be different--that make life painful and disappointing. I always say, "expectations are planned disappointments." The more you learn to go with the flow of life's ups and downs, the more you learn that 'Plan B' is not only available, but often a very pleasant, life enhancing option! Learning and understanding that most of life is going to be Plan B, and then acknowledging and accepting that, will literally add years to your life.
Good years. Pain-free years.
Maya Angelou said, "You can tell a lot about a person by how they handle a rainy day, lost luggage or tangled Christmas lights."
I lived most of my life with someone who couldn't handle any of those things without frustration, panic or anger. I spent most of those years watching him let the smallest of issues make him a wreck, even to the point of physical pain. The way I handled these situations ('let it rain!' 'call the airlines', or just enjoying the challenge of untangling the lights!) was always met with frustration on his end. He never understood why I didn't get upset. (It actually upset him that I didn't get upset!) And, to this day, I can't understand why he allowed nearly everything to stress him out, make him anxious or cause him to be so unhappy.
There is ALWAYS a Plan B...and it's most often not that hard to find.
And usually, it's found with humor, with a smile, with the knowledge that there is a solution to every situation.
Of course, much of my life has been Plan B.
I didn't go to UCLA, but I did graduate from college. I got pregnant, before I was married and right out of high school, but I did raise two amazing, wonderful children--joyfully! I lost my home earlier this year, but turned around 6 months later, and found another.
I am always prepared for Plan B.
I recently watched the movie, "Secretariat." Interestingly, Penny Chenery, the horse's owner, actually won Secretariat by being on the losing side of a coin toss! If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it, as Chenery's story of strength and passion is nothing short of absolutely inspirational. The movie is also filled with great quotes from Chenery, including, my favorite:
"This is not about going back, this is about life being ahead of you...and you run at it!"
She PROMISED herself that she would NOT live her life in regret.
Secretariat, of course, went on to become the first Triple Crown champion in twenty-five years, setting new race records in two of the three races. She earned dozens of honors and was, undoubtedly, one of the world's greatest racehorses.
Plan B at its finest!
Most pain and disappointment is really just a result of resistance. The more you accept what is and surrender what you wish it was or had hoped it would be...the less pain you will have in your life. The sooner you admit that Plan A is no longer an option, that you did your best to make it work, but it just didn't...and the sooner you accept that it's time to find and move to Plan B...
the more joy and harmony you will have every single day of your life.
Trust me.
Most of my life has been Plan B...
And besides being interesting--and never dull!--it's been pretty darn happy, extremely peaceful, virtually pain-free...and absolutely full of joy!