UPDATE* 50 things to do before I'm 50!*

This is to update my progress thus far--
with nine months to go.

Bolded and italicized means it has now been accomplished!

1. Meet Vin Scully!
2. Go skiing
3. Get all my photo albums truly organized
4. Enjoy a night at a five star hotel
5. Go on a road trip (happening this week!)
6. Own a nice camera
7. Visit NYC and live like a local
8. Be 100% debt free
9. Have a garden
10. Weigh less than I did in High School.
11. Rent a Porsche for a day or two
12. Have an informal reunion with all the folks I am re-meeting on Facebook
13. Attend a baseball playoff game (I have gone to many now!)
14. Kiss the man I love
15. Watch the sunset on a beach
16. Skinnydip
17. Re-read Great Expectations and The Great Gatsby and READ READ READ
18. Go to an All Star game
19. Attend a World Series game
20. Visit the Chapel of St. Catherine of Siena--in Siena, Italy.
21. Go to Las Vegas
22. Stand under a waterfall
23. Buy and own a home again
24. Meet some of my fellow bloggers
25. Kiss someone special at midnight on New Year's Eve
26. Write out a will
27. Simplify my life...get rid of all this STUFF
28. Play tennis again
29. Ride in a hot air balloon
30. Fly first class
31. Enjoy a celebration at Club 33
32. Ride a horse
33. See the tattoo completely fade away
34. Fall in love
35. Spend a weekend at a Spa
36. Sit behind home plate at a Dodgers game
37. See the NEW Yankee Stadium
38. See the Leaning Tower of Pisa
39. Go wine tasting/vodka tasting/tequila tasting
40. Throw out the first pitch at a ballgame and/or
41. Sing the National Anthem at a ballgame
42. See at least 10 of the 30 ballparks (Up to NINE at this point!)
43. Watch every episode of Friends--in order
44. Ride a bike at the beach
45. Eat a whole cinnamon roll
46. Go bowling again
47. Learn the joy of doing nothing
48. Get something published
49. Be the happiest girl in the whole USA!
50. Have the GREATEST 50th birthday celebration of all time!

Random Kinds of Factness (or stuff I thought about today...)

We are all getting older...but it really is a choice to get old. Physical shape has very little to do with age.

Time does not fly or go by fast. It actually goes by at the same rate for everyone and it's never seemed to go by quickly for me. Ever. I am thankful for that.
I'm trying to be softer and more gentle. And more understanding and more patient.
To the best of my ability, I live at peace with everyone. And I have let go of a few people who were disruptions of my own peace.
I love to call people by their name! I love knowing their names. And knowing them.
I absolutely LOVE that my kids are grown and on their own. They did not grow up fast. And I certainly don't miss them being little.
I smile a lot. Without even trying.
I know that I do not make the world turn. (Not anymore anyway...) And the hotel runs just fine when I'm not there.
I love to drink wine. And tequila. Yeah, and beer. And champagne. And Diet Coke.
I LOVE to hear the laughter of others! I really enjoy being able to make someone laugh! (Um, I'm pretty funny!)
I LOVE when I can make someone's day.
I really have enjoyed giving away most of my 'stuff.' At this point, I don't own anything that I would not hand to someone who would like to have it. This is one of my favorite things to do. You can have pretty much anything in this apartment. I'll still have everything I could possibly need.
At least once a week someone asks me if I was a cheerleader in high school. (Never was.)
I often have to remind myself to breathe. And to just take care of me. I love the analogy of the oxygen mask in an airplane: "place the mask over your own face first...then assist others."
I can vacuum this whole apartment from one plug.
I personally think if people spent as much time getting to know their own family as well they do getting to know TV show families...the world would be a better place.
I think going out to breakfast is way better than going out to dinner.
I realize now that my Nana's best advice was "rest."
I lotion up my entire body every single morning.
I love waking up in a hotel room, in another city, in another world. I think traveling beats therapy as far as healing goes.
I totally figured out what makes me happy. (It was so easy.)
I love to celebrate people's birthdays. Actually, I love to celebrate.
I listen to people who have been there. And disregard A LOT of other advice.
I SO love to sing! I'm a pretty good singer and have a GREAT memory for song lyrics.
I love to slow dance in my kitchen.
The most important part of 'Love your neighbor as yourself' is loving yourself.
I really enjoy this new simplistic/minimalistic life style.
Nothing feels as good as encouraging someone.
I buy and wear really good bras. (This makes a difference in so many ways!)
In my next life I'm eating chips and guacamole every day. And donuts.
I love FREE stuff! I SO enjoy being frugal and NOT spending money!
ALWAYS use sunscreen. Always.
I have a great bed and all the Montage bedding. I love to be in that bed.
I will always have to watch my weight...but will attempt to not obsess about it. (Attempt!)
I love the proper use of grammar.
I want to always be grateful. I make an effort to not take anything (or anyone) for granted.
I am terminal. (So are you.)
I know what I love most in life and I am lucky enough to make a living doing it.

Life is really good tonight. I had an amazing weekend.
And I have a GREAT week ahead.
I am so young, I feel so good...
and time is going by at the perfect speed.

Feeling SO joyful tonight. (Hope you are too...)

Top 10 over-used terms!

(In my opinion, of course...)

1. 'Thinking outside the box' (GREAT term...in 1995.)
2. 'That's what SHE said'...(Yep, I agree, it was funny the first 7 million times.)
3. 'It is what it is...' (Damn, I hate this one...it's not only redundant...it's just bullsh*t!)
4. 'LOL'...(honestly, do some people just AUTOMATICALLY have this added to the end of every sentence?)
5. 'Seriously.' (Seriously?! OVER used!)
6. 'Cougar'. (There is NOT a term that I find more offensive and derogatory. And tremendously over used. Seriously.)
7. 'FYI' (Usually, what ever you have to say is not that damn informative anyway.)
8. 'Just sayin' (I am sick to death of this one. Completely, inappropriately and WAY over used.)
9. 'WTF' (This is not the proper reply to EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!)
10.'It's not rocket science.' (I've actually met several rocket scientists. FYI-not much common sense.)
Just sayin'.

Tell Laura I love her

Six months to live?

(This is a re-run from just a few months ago...but it was amazingly appropriate to re-post after a conversation with a friend today.)

We were talking at work the other day...and the subject of mortality came up. Actually the question asked was, "What if you found out you had six months left to live--what would you do?" Some folks thought carefully. Some got tears in their eyes. Phrases like, "I'd call all my friends and tell them I love them..." and "I'd make peace with my sisters..." came out of some peoples' mouths. "I'd quit my job immediately!" came from someone else. Others said they would need to think about it. Me? I spouted my list off very quickly.
So, the doctor tells me I'm gonna die in six months. Here's exactly what I do:

1. Stop for donuts on the way home from the doctor's office. I'll be sure to let the owners know that I will be stopping here every single day for the next six months. Please have lots of Apple Fritters, Cinnamon Rolls and Maple Old Fashions available. (Note: I freaking love donuts and have literally not had one in 10 years or more.)
2. Go buy the Porsche 911 Turbo. Blue please. (Yeah, I should lease it!)
3. Drive over to work and let them know that it's been real. As much as I love it, I'm not spending my last six months running around a hotel. Unless it's in Italy.
4. Stop by The Original Pancake House to have a Dutch Baby and a side of bacon.
(Make that TWO sides of bacon, please. And I'm not sharing the Dutch Baby ever again.)
5. Find out where the Dodgers are playing next weekend and fly there for the games. Might follow them around for a few weeks visiting every city they're playing in. Seats will be behind home plate of course. I will also make a few phone calls and find a way to meet Vinnie and throw out the first pitch before I go. Yes, I can make it happen.
6. Take my whole family--kids, sisters, nieces nephews, parents--to Hawaii for a few weeks. Take a final trip to NYC with Allison--go to Yankee games, every single show on Broadway and literally eat my way through the Big Apple.
7. Skydive. Bungee jump. (What the hell, right?)
8. Make it a quest to find the World's Best PEACH, APPLE and BOYSENBERRY COBBLER! Yes, I will have to try it in every city and town that I am in for the next six months and I am up to the challenge. Warm with ice cream, please.
9. Eat bread and butter every day. And pasta. Have a big bowl of granola and bagels with honey and cinnamon every night! Carbs will be my best friend at this point...til death do us part.
10. Plan to spend the last couple of months in Europe, starting with Sicily and the Amalfi Coast. (Constant canolis and Chianti...) Octoberfest in Germany. (Beer, brats and more bread!) A little time in Paris and dinner one last time on the Eiffel Tower. (Champagne, crepes and chocolate!)

Before my final days I'll make a donation to Allison's Kenyan Ministries and settle all my financial affairs. I'll call Goodwill to get the rest of my possessions...you'll have to let me know if you want anything! (The Bobby Sherman lunch pail is already spoken for.)
And, I'll plan an amazing 'going away' party for myself. You're invited.

One thing for sure...I will die with a great big smile on my big fat face!
Kinda sounds like an adventure, really.
The only way to go.

Hot cross buns!

Sunny's Violin Recital!

Wonder woman

I am a bonafide, certified, absolute over-thinker. I dissect, analyze, re-analyze, re-think and rehash the conversations, thoughts, words, actions and outcomes of every single thing that goes on in my life. I seem to look for the underlying meaning in even the simplest of things.
I wonder (read: process and figure out all day, lay awake and think of all night) about relationships, new tires, taxes, graduations, my checking account balance, the stock market, the lingering Nordstrom bill, my son's new career, my Spa vacation next week (where I will have to wear a bathing suit), the decision to purchase another home, the damn Dodgers, Father's Day, the fact that George Clooney is still single, diet coke causing cancer, the dwindling hours at work, the approaching June birthdays, my dying plants on the patio, the price of gas, my sink full of dishes, my sisters and their kids, Allison going back to Kenya, and the 10 pounds that I lose and find over and over and over again...

Yeah...and men. I do think about men.
I don't sleep very much...never have. (Thankfully, never really needed it either!)
Nope, I just play out scenarios in my head. What could happen, what can't happen, what I wish would happen.
Why doesn't something happen?

And then, gratefully, it's time to get up. As soon as I hear the coffee 'beep' in the kitchen, I'm out of bed.
And so I get up and shower and go to work. And then I come home and go for a walk and pay my bills and catch up on Facebook and clean my house and call my mother and blog and journal and email my investment guy, and do laundry and consider loans and unload the dishwasher and send out graduation cards and text my kids and water my plants and make a salad and grab a beer and turn on the Dodger game...and then go to bed and think all night.
I haven't ever known how to be still. Never.
It's a wonder I am not crazy.
Actually I wonder if maybe I am.
I'm headed to work now.
I wonder if maybe I'm just bored.
All this time you thought I was Wonder Woman...
nope...
just wonder woman.

You're the one I love...

I have been living 'on my own' for well over six years now. Though I endured the first year crawling out of confusion and gradually adjusting to being alone, I thoroughly enjoyed the next few years fixing up my home, thriving in my new job, traveling Europe extensively, spending lots of time reconnecting with old friends and realizing that life would not only go on, but become simply amazing!
So it has really only been over the last couple of years that I have experienced 'dating' of any sort...and, as I have blogged about before, it's been quite the education! Given that my only previous dating experiences were LITERALLY from the last century and included drive-in movies and Ms. Pac Man marathons, it has literally been like starting from scratch. I might as well be 16.
Actually, it's WAY better than dating was at 16. I know (and really like) who I am at this point in life and (I am pretty sure ) I know exactly what I am looking for in a man.
I know that, unlike when I was 16, I don't have to pretend to like NASCAR or soccer (or anything else!) in hopes that he might like me. I don't have time for a bad attitude, drama of any kind, or an inability to pick up the phone (or put it down.) And God help the man who is unkind. I can't handle cruelty, especially when it's dished out as teasing. Not gonna do it.
The BEST part of dating NOW, though, is being able to call and say, "Hello? Yeah, I don't think you're the one. I wish you the best! Good bye." It's actually pretty easy to know when they are NOT the one...well, at least it is when you're dating in your 40s.
How did I know? Here's my list from the last several years of my many first (and last) dates. Enjoy.

When I was cooking dinner for him and he showed up empty handed.
When he said baseball season lasted way too long.
When he came to pick me up wearing a thick gold necklace.
When he left the toilet seat up in my bathroom.
When he stopped me mid sentence and said, "Wait, who's Willie Mays?"
When he said, "Let me call one of my roommates to see if..." (Wait, you're 45 and you have multiple roommates?)
When I told him I had four sisters and he said, "Oh, your poor dad."
When he said he spent most of his free time with his mother. (Oh come on, even if it's true, don't tell me that on a date!)
When he told me that I ate too much. (We're at an all you can eat sushi place for crying out loud. Don't you want me to get your money's worth?!)
When he said, "I don't really listen to music"
When he said he had no desire to see Europe.
When he said his dream was to have a baby--a son to take fishing (MY son is 26 dear...not gonna happen with me. Can I interest you a Porsche instead?)
When he told me (with tears in his eyes) that he was really still in love with his wife, tho they had been separated for almost a year. (I remember I had NO idea what to say!)
When he said he had a home gym and that he would rather run than anything else in the world. (Personally, bub, I can name 10,000 things I would rather do than run.)
When he said he'd never let his kids go to public school. (The Cee lo Green song goes here.)
When he said he had spent the day in court as a character witness for his ex wife who was getting a restraining order against her new boyfriend. (I am NOT kidding!)
When he asked me to loan him money to make rent.
When he told me he had three little dogs. (Or was it three little kids?...either one gives me the chills...)
When he said he had been to Wrigley Field last year, when he was in Boston. (I had no mercy. You can mix up Safeco and Petco and maybe even Citi Field and Bank One, but NOT freaking Wrigley and Fenway.)

If nothing else, it's been entertaining.
Thankfully, I have truly enjoyed the learning and the real living I've done on my own! I must admit though, deep into my seventh single year...I just may be ready for the one to come along.
The real one.
At this point, I actually believe there is someone out there who is waiting just for me, too.
"The one" for me is friendly and REALLY nice and funny and genuinely happy. He's independent, full of energy, and ready for fun and adventure! He wants to go to a baseball game and dance in my kitchen. He will think I'm beautiful (and tell me all the time) and will be unable to keep his hands off of me! He wants to go see the world, eat a lot of good food and hold my hand. And kiss me a lot. (A whole lot.)
He'll be well worth waiting for.
(And he'll know where Wrigley Field is.)

Until then...
I really am enjoying every minute on my own.
And, seriously, it ain't half bad.

“A friend is someone whose face lights up when they see you,

and they don’t have any immediate plans for your improvement.”

What happens in Vegas...

Patrick & Mary Ann's Wedding at the Venetian/Palazzo Las Vegas

With the best man, Navid

The hotel is so beautiful...

My 'Fred Flinstone' steak

With Evette and Ellen
too much fun...

Palazzo Las Vegas

...this is where I am this weekend...
intentionally computerless.

One last birthday celebration...

With Sunny and Elijah and my SWEET family!

It was a VERY good day...

Started my birthday with flowers from a friend...
Then breakfast with another great friend...
And finished up the day with lunch at Club 33...and a day at Disneyland and California Adventure with another!

I'm (seriously) the luckiest girl on the planet.

48 FABULOUS things about being 48!

Yes indeed, it's May 19th.

I have been celebrating my birthday pretty much daily since May 7th...which is just one more reminder of the amazing--and very blessed--life I am LIVING today. My kids were part of the celebrations too (they treated me to dinner!)...each of them a happy, humorous, hard working (bright, brilliant and beautiful) grown adult. Lucky me.
And me? I have a VERY full day planned. Coffee with a friend, then breakfast with another. Lunch at Club 33 and an afternoon at Disneyland with yet another friend. After that? Basically I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my day--and the rest of every day--singing and dancing and LAUGHING a lot, seeing more of the world, delighting in good meals--and great beers, enjoying long conversations and experiencing GREAT JOY with the genuinely incredibly loving people in my life!
Life is good. It is definitely a HAPPY birthday.

48 great things about being 48...

1. I have outlived Elvis. And John Lennon. And John F. Kennedy. (These guys were SO young when they died!)
2. I know now that I am a pretty good singer. Not so good of a dancer. But I do both anyway. And often. I'd ask that you don't make fun of me. Just join me instead.
3. I like my smile. And to smile. I'm happy and like to make other people happy.
4. The tattoo is fading away after 18 months of treatments. Good riddance.
5. I know exactly the kind of man I am looking for...but I have plenty of things to do til he gets here.
6. I love to write and I'm getting pretty good at it.
7. I'm happy with the junk in the trunk, the straight hair, the tiny little age spot and the boobs. (Especially the boobs.)
8. I have learned to be forgiving, to say I'm sorry and (as far as it depends on me) to live at peace with everyone.
9. My circle of friends has changed over the last 10 years or so. Only those who allow and encourage me to be 100% ME are still around.
10. I know WTF is going on. And I have my SH*T together.
11. I would rather sit and look at the full moon than watch anything on television. The full moon inspires me and, when hanging over the ocean at 5am, brings tears to my eyes--every single time.
12. I have a friends who works at Dodger Stadium, Angel Stadium and Petco Park. I haven't had to purchase a baseball ticket in years.
13. I know now, without a doubt, that happiness has nothing to do with money, relationships, possessions or circumstances!
14. I know too that being single, just like being married, has its good days and its bad days. But I certainly seem to have more good days now.
15. I've figured out that there are three steps to making it through any crisis in life: Get up, take a shower, and go to work.
16. I have met Don Sutton, Tommy John, Steve Garvey, Rod Carew, Manny Ramirez, Andre Either and Greg Maddux. Greg actually bought me a drink.
17. There’s no chance for me to become pregnant.
18. I can install a shower head, a water filter and change a headlight. I can balance a checkbook, follow the stock market, hook up my TV, DVD player, and Internet airport. I've run a household, owned a business and make the best manicotti in town. (Hear me roar.)
19. I have owned 8 tracks, 45s, 33s, cassettes, floppy discs, zip drives, CDs, DVDs, VHSs and and iPod/iPads. I delight in and love keeping up with new technology and innovation.
20. I’ve now enjoyed beer in Italy, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Holland, France, Prague, Vienna and Budapest. And I've enjoyed a few in the US too.
21. I have an investment guy who will take my call at anytime. And he lets me drive his Porsche.
22. I get Googled and people read my blog. If you Google 'Julie Hibbard', you'll get 1,050,000 results. And I'm the first thing that comes up.
23. My best friends think I'm funny. People at work think I'm hilarious. Life is just funny, folks! And I LOVE to make people laugh.
24. I don't pretend that I like the Monster Truck Rally, Vin Diesel movies or Metallica, with the hopes that a guy will like me more. Independent interests is a beautiful thing. (He will have to at least LIKE baseball tho!)
25. With the amount of years I spent in college, I should have multiple PhDs. I am still SO proud to have my Bachelor's Degree.
26. I have GREAT kids in their late 20s. College grads. They are 100% independent!
27. I am OH SO grateful. I am completely content with what I have and what I am.
28. I have learned to live in the moment. All the worries about the future and all the replaying of the past just distract from enjoying right now. I don't want to miss a single second.
29. I have been constantly employed since I was 14 years old. I love working, being productive and being appreciated for a job well done. I am my best when I'm at work.
30. I have been to the stadiums of the Dodgers, Angels, Padres, Giants, Rockies, A's, Diamondbacks and Yankees. The 'Baseball Tour' is on the list of things to do--right Lu?
31. Living simply, with less 'things' and zero debt makes for more peaceful days and much more restful nights.
32. I can intelligently discuss the stock market, politics, religion and sports. But mostly sports.
33. Going for a walk cures almost anything that ails you. So does blogging.
34. I know from experience now that good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, this too shall pass and that it’s never too late to live happily ever after. Never!
35. I have realized that as much as I love to travel, I really love being home.
36. I know now that I will not spend one minute with a man I don’t want to be with. And even less time with a man who doesn’t want to be with me.
37. It’s not that I am happy when I’m thin—it’s that I’m thin when I’m happy.
38 I’d take good conversation over good sex. (The combo would be the ultimate.)
39. I am pretty sure now that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it's just hard to figure out--or admit--what the reason is.
40. I've learned to get in all of my own pictures. Finally.
41. I have a terrific memory. Especially for song lyrics. And dates. And all things high school.
42. I know now that all the time I wondered what people were thinking of me…they weren’t thinking of me at all.
43. I LOVE going out to breakfast, but I prefer to have someone in my home for dinner than go out. So much more comfortable.
44. I am now pretty much the woman that I'd always hoped I'd be.
45. I don't care what anyone says, life is long! It's been great, but it has not gone by fast.
46. Being alone and happy is SO MUCH better than being with someone and being miserable.
47. I know now that taking care of ME is not selfish or egotistical or narcissistic. It is self preservation and self-care and I am worthy of being healthy and happy!
48. Life goes on. You'll live through it. The sun does, indeed, come up the next day!
And, there will come a time when you think everything is finished (actually there will be MANY of these times)...that will be the beginning!

Here's to the NEXT 48 wonderful years
It's just the beginning.

May you live every day of your life.

~Jonathan Swift

The waiting is the hardest part...

In talking with a friend last night she asked me, "What is your greatest weakness?"
Easy one. I'm impatient. Hell, I could hardly wait for her to get the question out of her mouth.
Do you know why I don't play the piano?
Because I don't want to LEARN to play the piano, I want to PLAY.
Two years of "Little Ducky on the Water" just doesn't turn me on.
I don't like to wait for anything to happen. It seems like a waste of time!

It's the same with whitening my teeth.....those little strips....day after day after day after day...
I want white teeth, but I want them now...not six weeks from now. (I hear Veruca Salt saying, "I want it NOW, Daddy!")
And exercising...Like my friend Kelly says in the middle of yoga class, "Am I skinny yet?!"
And, well, yes, waiting for the man of my dreams! (Where is he already?!)

I just like to be productive! When I have a goal, I follow the steps to make it happen and immediately want something to show for my time, effort, energy, etc. I know that time is precious, and I hate to waste a second of it waiting for something to happen.
Interestingly, life has been trying to teach me patience for years. Patience, persistence, and acceptance of a 'mean time'. I know oh too well that there is often a span of time before the anticipated and hoped-for result. What to do "in the meantime" becomes the question and, honestly, sometimes it feels like a very mean time.
Perhaps my greatest amount of 'mean time' was the nearly two decades I spent going to college. I took two or three classes a semester beginning in 1983 and didn't graduate until 2000! Dreaming of 'walking', wearing that cap and gown and knowing that I would forever have (and be able to tell people that I had) my Bachelor's Degree made it more appealing to keep going while working and taking care of a family...year after year after year. Totally worth the time and effort! The mean time was spent being 100% productive: studying, writing papers, and always planning what to take 'next semester'...usually what fit around my work schedule at Coco's, Little League practice and Girl Scout meetings!
More recently, the thing that has helped me understand and (almost) appreciate waiting is my tattoo removal process. I started treatments in October 2009. Yep, a year and a half ago. Very slowly, very gradually, (and extremely painfully) the tattoo has lightened up, faded a bit, has all but disappeared. I've appreciated the process itself: the commitment, the scheduling of appointments, the discipline I have to have to carry this out. I SO look forward to the day when it is no longer visible at all, and appreciated the progress along the way.

I often have to remind myself to enjoy the 'meantime', not always having to have instant results. I try to enjoy the ANTICIPATION...to STAY CURIOUS...to SAVOR the waiting time, knowing SOMETHING wonderful is on its way. These are things I can do in the NOW...which ultimately, truly is the mean time.
I then have to BELIEVE (and HOPE) that everything really worth having is really worth waiting for...the white teeth, the Bachelor's degree, the tattoo-free body, and especially, of course, the right man.
Who knows, maybe someday I'll even play the piano.
One thing for sure, I'm not missing one minute of NOW in the mean time.

Yeah, I guess it's not so mean after all...
actually it's kind of exciting.

...and it truly is your choice.

Be filled with JOY

"Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize
how good things really are."

Marianne Williamson

Which opens wider...my mind or my heart?

I never ever stop thinking. Never.
I have conversations with people who I wish were here with me.
Yes, they answer back. We process things together. And, often actually, I can see their perspective.
My mind has always worked this way. I have to think everything through, talk things out, figure out why, where, how, and...WTF do I do now?

Everything happens for a reason. Love is all you need.
I am sure it will all work out.
It is what it is...

Excuse my language, but 'bullshit.'
(You do know that I cuss like a sailor, right? It's therapy at its cheapest and finest.)
None of these ever satisfy me...I need real answers!
But here's what I really need to know at this point: am I alone in this need?! In my wondering? In my desire to figure out what I'm supposed to do with feelings and thoughts and desires that don't 'fit'? Am I the only one who can't just accept what is, but needs to UNDERSTAND why it is? And why now? Why not? Why you? Why me?
I assure you, it's not whining or complaining at all...it's inquisitiveness in its deepest form.
Is EVERYBODY else really OK with things being STATUS QUO?!

Interestingly this week, I have averaged 73 readers a day on this blog. Last week was over 90 a day. I'm kinda thinking that there must be SOMEONE out there who can relate to the things I write about! Are you there? Is this correct? You must think the same as I do...or similarly, right? You don't have to admit that you have conversations with people who are not there--though I'm kinda sure you do. Just tell me this...do your people answer and help you see the other side of an issue?
You can disagree with me, call me on my shit, tell me I'm crazy, whatever! But your reading of this paragraph right now somewhat assures me that I am not alone. Know too, you're actually in the room with me right now...yep, I'm talking to YOU.
The thing is, everything has to be in proper order for me to really feel good. Alphabetized DVDs, photo albums in chronological order--a place for everything and every single thing in its place. I love to have order where I can and I guess the blurry {confusing} part for me comes when I can't have a similar type of order in every area of life.
My brain won't rest. It works overtime trying to find a solution.
And my heart does too.
Right now, they both want several things that they can't have. Which means things that I cannot have, of course. Things that aren't even available. Things that aren't even attainable. Things that are completely out of my control. {Really simple things by the world's standards by the way!} I can work and think and journal and blog and talk myself {and imaginary others} BLUE IN THE FACE...but I'm not gonna get these things.

Someday
It's not 'no' it's just 'not now'
Patience is a virtue
Time heals everything

I don't think these ones are bullshit...And, lately, I have really started to believe in timing. And, I suppose, I still have a (tiny) bit of faith. And, no, I have not (yet) completely lost hope.
I guess I just forget sometimes how good it feels to feel so good.

That extraordinary good!

That good feeling when EVERY SINGLE THING IS IN ORDER. EVERYTHING IS AS I DESIRE IT TO BE. It's SUCH a nice feeling!! I try to hold onto it as long as I can...but it's not mine to hold on to. Not for very long anyway.
Not now. Someday.
Yeah, sure, I'll be patient.

You know that I'm grateful for the unbelievable, dream life I have...I really am!
It's just that every once in a while, I let my guard down (or, perhaps it is melted away)
...things that I keep very safely closed up and protected get opened up and exposed.
Excitement oozes out of me...and I have to push it back in.
Reality hits. I have to slowly collect it all back, cover it up and put it away again. Things that I are within my grasp {or I believe they are anyway..,} are truly not really there at all.
I'm realizing no one is really there to answer my questions.
I've done this way too many times now.

This week, honestly, I know only one thing for sure about life:
it goes on.
And one of my imaginary friends just told me that I'm crazy.

Let the birthday celebrations begin!

Dinner at Ruth's Chris with Allison and Zachary last night.
Such a treat...
and dinner was good too.

Knowing full well the earth will rebel...

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation leans on the doorbell...

Saving all my love for you...(well, not all of it)

Recently, a friend who I hadn't seen in years asked me why I was still single. Actually I think his words were, "HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY STILL BE SINGLE?!"
The answer, (after 'thank you') is, "Honestly, I have no idea."

I have definitely been blessed with a heart to love people. It brings me such joy that I've even been able to make a living doing just that. I have a passion and a desire to help make people happy, to bring them joy, to make their day...to make them smile.

One of the long-time desires of my heart is to be in love, and no, I don't believe that I have ever been. Not really. Sure, I've said, "I love you" to people and a few have said those words to me...but, to be IN love, doesn't it have to go both ways--and at the same time??
I think it does.
I do, indeed have the desire to love a man. And know him. And, I have a deep desire to be loved (and kissed) and known (and held) and desired right back. (I always say that I have ADD--affection deficit disorder.)

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

I have had this verse memorized for years. It meant so much to me that I had it painted on my bathroom wall at my first apartment six years ago. But earlier this year, as I began 'year seven' alone, I truly asked God if He might take that one desire away from me. If He might fill me with other--more attainable--desires instead. Like the desire to write a book or to organize my photo albums or to work out every day!
No such luck.
That desire to be in love with a beautiful man--and to have him love me back, I'm afraid to admit, is stronger than ever. I am made to be a passionate, loving woman and have HOPE that there is a lucky, passionate (energy-filled) man out there for me somewhere...I am actually quite ready for him to show up. (Man, will we have fun.)
So here's the question...what to do with the love and passion and energy that I am containing in this season? Well, obviously, there are plenty who could use a little affection, kindness and love of the non-romantic kind. Many.
I can do that.
And I will (continue to) do that.
I have been put in a position of working with hundreds of people a day and have realized that they all need love in one way or another. I have friends and family members who love on me all the time...tt's actually quite a joy to give that love back.
One thing I know for sure, we all need love and affection.
And, no doubt, it is my desire to love and be loved.
OK, God, I guess I don't want you to take it away from me. I know, there's plenty to go around.
But please, if you wouldn't mind, will you let him know where I am?
Cause I'm saving the best stuff for him: the deepest love, constant affection, unending kindness and indescribable joy!
Oh yeah, and let him know too...I love him already.

Thoughts to those who are (a little) younger...

One of the GREAT benefits of being (a little) older is the incredible perspective that seems to come with each added year. You've heard people say 'If I knew then what I know now...'
Well I know (a little) more now.

Here's (a little) Julie Hibbard wisdom for you...

1. You're gonna live through it. You may want to lay down and die. But you probably won't die. Get up, dust yourself off, and go back to living. Seriously. I don't necessarily believe that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but you will start to know how very much you are able to endure and you will grow to learn that pain, however inevitable, is not fatal.
2. It's the things that you DON'T DO that you will regret. A trip you should have taken, the day you could have called in sick to see your team clinch the division. The concert you didn't want to pay 100 bucks for. THOSE DAYS don't come back folks! LIVE a little. No, live A LOT! Truly think about what you will remember 5 or 10 years from now. And, when choosing between doing something you can do anytime OR a once in a lifetime chance--that should be a no-brainer. I was not in the senior class play--I was asked to be the lead! I didn't want to be away from my boyfriend all those nights for practice. Honestly, I have regretted it for more than 30 years.
3. Don't stay home and wait for his phone call. I understand that with cell phones these days you don't actually stay home and wait. But you are waiting, huh? How about a trip to Paris in the mean time? He may call, but let him make the move. Or, perhaps it's time to consider the fact that the relationship may have just run its course. That's OK! Let go! Move on! Please trust me on this: Do not make someone your priority when he has made you his option.
4. Expectations are planned disappointments. Go with the flow and open yourself up to the possibilities that lie ahead. Be curious about the future! And ENJOY THE HAPPY ALONG THE WAY. This is something that has literally taken me a lifetime to realize. You are allowed--and ENCOURAGED!--to enjoy the moment. You don't have to plan everything.
5. The choices you make between ages 18-24 will have life-long consequences--good or bad. Choose wisely! Listen to your friends! Ask lots of questions! Don't be afraid to back out or say no or change your mind! Honestly, while walking down the aisle on my wedding day, I wanted to run the other way. I was 18. I often wonder how different my life would have been had I done so. Life long consequences from a decision I made as a teenager.

6. Finish school. Travel. Try all 31 flavors! You will never meet anyone who wishes they hadn't graduated college. Or seen the Eiffel Tower. Or tried Pralines and Cream or Cherries Garcia! You know my story--I graduated from college a week after my 37th birthday. I am STILL proud of myself for that one. I have seen the Eiffel Tower a few times now. Takes my breath away every time. And, well, I've tried all 31 flavors--and many others--with 31 different toppings, whipped cream, cherries, nuts...you name it! and I've loved every second of it!
7. Love people. Relationships (especially with your family) are truly the only things that matter in the end. Who would you call in the middle of the night when your car breaks down? Hopefully you can name a few people quickly. If not, start loving on people. And have someone in your life who you can call if you end up in jail...someone who will save the lecture for a later time.

8. Helping to make other people happy is the only way to really be happy. Remember people's names. Their kids names. Their dog's name. Their birthday. Their favorite vodka. I promise you that life is so great when you know and love and have deep friendships. It's what gets you up off the floor, into the shower and back into life. Often, literally.
9. Life is long. It goes by slowly. Which means you have LOTS of time to better yourself and better the world. My real advice? Turn off the TV and go out and LIVE life. Take a class, take a hike (no, a real one) take a friend to dinner, take a break from your normal routine and spice up your life a little! I tell ya, it CAN be enjoyed every single day!
10. Have a job you love. Find that job. Keep it. If you love your job, life will be easier. It's that simple. I have been constantly employed since I was 14 and always loved my job...I have always found JOY in being at work. If you LOVE where you spend that 1/3 of your life...the other 2/3 will be more enjoyable as well. I promise.
Smile! Laugh! Have fun! Life is good!
Enjoy it every step of the way.
I am.
Join me!

Sunny Delight!

Sunny and I attended our first Angels game of the season last night!

...and, it just happened to be "World Record Wrestling Mask" night!

On top of it all...the Angels won. (Better yet, the DODGERS won!)
LOVE hanging out with Sunny...she brightens ANY day!

“It's choice--not chance--that determines your destiny..."

Jean Nidetch

Here's to Happy Mothers!

Spent the day at the job I enjoy and with the people I love working with.

And spent the evening with the people I love and enjoy being with.
(We do look a bit alike, don't we?!)

As I stood with three other HAPPY MOTHERS--
I realized that it was, indeed, a day for us--
"Happy Mothers" Day.

Amother day in paradise...

...from one happy Momma...
Allison and me 1982

Mid life at the Oasis

So, I am gearing up to turn 48 in a couple of weeks. Forty Eight. Yes...FORTY EIGHT!
Somehow I just thought I'd be smarter or taller or OLDER or something!
But for some reason, I am feeling like this is a TRUE milestone birthday.
No, it’s not 40 and it’s not 50…but I don’t think it’s the actual age that is impressing me. I have never been afraid of getting older (if I didn’t know, I would say I’m maybe 30…that’s how old I feel.) And I have never resisted TELLING anyone my age--I would never lie about it for sure. Maybe part of it is that my kids are 26 and 28…and I always kinda felt like the three of us grew up together.
I actually think it's more the fact that three of my four grandparents lived well into their 80s and 90s. My Grandpa lived to be 93 and my Nana missed her 95th birthday by just a couple of weeks (she has a sister who is still going strong at 106!) My grandparents lived independently in their own home until after 90--they still made their own pasta, they drove, went out to dinner, shopped. (I often ran into them at Costco...eating their lunch via free samples.)
I'm thinking this means I have a good chance of living to be 95 or 96 or so, right?
This thought FUELS my dreams of skiing in Mammoth, driving my Porsche, traveling Italy and taking in LOTS of baseball games well into MY 90s! (Hopefully with a beautiful man!)
Which, to get back to the point, does essentially make 48 a milestone.
It's my halfway mark. My true mid life.
There is certainly no crisis to be had HERE, my friend! No way.
It’s like the score has been tied up and I have a whole new ballgame to play. And this time around, there’s a lot less to plan, worry about and decide.
Think about how much you have to figure out in that first half of life: Where should I go to college? What job should I have? Who should I marry? Should we have kids? How many? Can we afford a house? Where should we live? Do we go to your parents’ or mine for Christmas? Does our son need braces? Does our daughter drive a safe car? Who is that boy she is dating? Do you think our kids are drinking? Where should they go to college? How will we pay for it?YIKES!
Now, compare that to ‘second half of life decisions’...hmmm….um...yeah…finished college. Let’s see, yep, kids are raised and college-educated. Love my job….hmm…
Yeah. I’m thinking 'second-half of life' decisions come down to just a few things:
Where should we have dinner tonight? Should I get the red Porsche or the blue one? And, Should we go to Paris or Venice for Christmas this year?
Gosh, I am actually really looking forward to figuring those things out! And, at this point, I have free time, enough money and more energy than I have ever had before. Which is probably why I am actually quite excited about getting started in this second half of life!
Of course, I'm realistic, and I do know there will probably be more choices involved than just those.
I mean, I might even consider black for the Porsche.