I sat down at lunch today and Jeff* sat down across from me.He said, "Hey Julie, I was hoping to run into you...I think I met someone who might be perfect for you."
Jeff and I are both single--he just turned 40--and, at a Montage Angels game a few months back, we agreed to 'keep our eyes open' for each other.
"Really..." I answered. "Tell me more!"
"Well, he's 65 and he just moved here from Puerto Rico."
And then he stopped talking. I looked up to see if perhaps he was choking on his lunch, but he had finished his thought.
"And...?" I said.
He said, "Well, he's looking for someone to hang out with and I thought you'd be perfect."
There were SO many things wrong with that sentence that I had to collect my thoughts before I spoke. I actually put my fork down and looked at Jeff as I calmly spoke.
"First of all, my DAD just turned 70. Unless this is Harrison Ford, I am pretty sure that I'm not interested in a 65 year old man."
He assured me that he was in very good shape for a man his age.
I went on, 'Secondly, what makes you think we'd get along? Does he like baseball? Is he affectionate? Friendly? Does he love music? Does he want to travel Italy? "
All poor Jeff could say was, "I don't know...I just thought you'd like someone to hang out with.
I didn't realize you were so picky."
Yep...he really said that.
And you know me...I went on...kindly, but firmly...(and somewhat laughing as I spoke!)
"Just because two people are both SINGLE does NOT make them 'perfect' for each other, Jeff. Good Lord! How EASY would life be if that were the case? And, forgive me if I am looking for something more than 'a man to hang out with.' Especially a man who would seem more suited to hang out with my dad! I am not picky...I had a man to 'hang out with' for 24 years. That's not what I've been waiting seven years for..."
He laughed and had a look of, "Sheesh, no wonder she's single" in his eyes.
I smiled at Jeff and very kindly thanked him for thinking of me. I told him that he could take me off his radar--I'm doing just fine on my own.
And, of course, I couldn't leave it at that.
I finished off the conversation by letting him know that I had a lovely 70 year old neighbor who just became a widow.
And I think they'd be perfect together.
*Name has been changed to protect the ignorant...
3 comments:
Me oh my. Didn't he read your previous blog post about what you're looking for in a man?!? Really, the world would be a better place if everyone would just check in with your blog now & then. Seriously.
(BTW, the box below wants me to type in "shmistap" in order to comment here. I think in doing so I just cursed in a few different languages.)
It sounds as if "Jeff" was pledging a fraternity and this was one of the gags needed to get his pledge pin! The sad part of the story was that "Jeff" really thought he was doing you a favor. If he wants to do you a favor why doesn't he offer to pick up your dry cleaning or stand in line for you at the DMV. 65 Year old Puerto Rican, are you missing a limb and are suffering from severe halitosis? Now if George Clooney showed some interest I could understand the setup. Wow! still stunned after reading it again. 138
I would have told Jeff to tell his friend I would love to hang out with him if he owned a liquor store and once a week he'd take me golfing at Pelican Hill , provided me with free Cuban cigars, cut my lawn and washed my car.
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