This week has been a tough one.My Aunt Angie died after months of battling cancer. I spent two days clearing out my former home--with my former husband. I paid $570 to a plumber and still have running water only in my master bath. And my entire week's plans were completely changed as my heart pretty much got the shit kicked out of it.
But--I'm still happy.
It's an unexplainable happiness that runs far deeper than any of life's problems, issues or circumstances. There is a peace in my heart that somehow always surpasses the pain, defying logic and understanding. The joy I have in my life is--and has always been--unconditional.
Of course I often wish that things could be different or even better, but I accept and understand that I am powerless over many situations, especially with cancer, matters of the heart...and plumbing!
I just know that if you seek out the good--you will more than likely find it. My Aunt Angie was 86 and had lived an amazingly full life. The time with my former husband was spent talking about things we should have talked about for years--we actually have a civil relationship now. I had a blast with that plumber last week and he gets to come back again!
Celebrating the positive beats the crap out of wallowing in misery--anytime!
And though I truly could have done with out the heart shit kick thing...the happiness and JOY--the sheer bliss!--that this man brought me in the previous six months is something that I will treasure for the rest of my life! Thinking about his kindness, his loving ways, his sweet laughter and his beautiful smile...well, those thoughts are actually helping me to heal. I hope he feels the same way...and wish him nothing but this same unconditional joy and happiness every single day.
Life goes on...and so very much of it is good.
Even today.
6 comments:
i'm sorry to read about your aunt angie, julie. brain cancer is such a horrible disease.
i like your positive attitude. during this time of big change in your life, a good outlook will make all the difference.
pretty soon you won't be thinking about the plumbing anymore.
life has a way of making yesterday obsolete. best wishes on the next great thing in your life.
My grandmother, who is 97 years old and who lived through an abusive marriage, stillbirth twins, and bombing raids in WWII, has told me more than once that she can't ever remember waking up in the morning without an unexplainable joy in her heart. You are blessed with the same gift, I think, and it is a rare one.
Sorry to hear about your aunt...will be praying for you and your family.
The one thing I love about reading your posts..is that they are contagious in spreading joy...you always have a smile in your pics..and I love that.... and the positive outlook ..there is always a positive outlook.
Just remember tomorrow is a new day...we get a new one every 24 hours....
Susie A.
Julie: First and foremost, my thoughts and prayers are with you during your time of grief over the loss of your Aunt. I DO identify with what you are describing and I feel this has been for me a gradually evolving process of acceptance. Your words resonate with me. I hear you. May the hours and days ahead be kinder and gentler. To know we are loved by someone in the world is a Blessing. God Bless YOU! :)
So sorry my dear Julie to hear about your troubles, but I am so impressed by the fact that you seem to see the silver lining at all times.
I am so sorry for your loss as well...
xo
I don't now what to say about your post today . It seems like you've had more than your share of sadness this week and I feel like I have missed alot. Maybe you've spoiled us all with your never ending positive attitude,and your blog always starts our day on an upnote. What a burden for you to carry. Life has changed so much in this last year that I think people are retreating into their safe places and want to give up...but can't. Remember that we are all affected by what goes on in your every day life, good or bad (but mostly good). Hang in there for yourself and all of us who are in this game with you. Love Mom
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