Tuesday, January 28, 2014

People will treat you the way you treat yourself...

 For YEARS I've been saying, "You teach people how to treat you"...which is true. How you ALLOW them to treat you and what you ACCEPT from them--is how they will continue to treat you. But the other night, while talking to Dave about just this subject, I realized something even a little deeper (for me anyway) I treated myself SO poorly (in my marriage and at work!) and did not talk kindly about myself--ever. I WAS a doormat in so many situations and for SO many years that, well, people walked all over me. For some reason (still working on this one), I allowed it--AND felt I deserved that kind of treatment.
 The day that I finally said, "ENOUGH" and got UP off the floor and STOPPED allowing people to treat me poorly...was the day I stopped treating MYSELF poorly! I stopped telling myself that I was fat and ugly and stupid. I stopped telling myself that I deserved to be treated that way. (I had one pastor years ago tell me that my unhappy marriage was a consequence of my sin of premarital sex and that you reap what you sow.)
Enough.
 This is small and a bit hard to read, but I encourage you to try! I ran across it on a "Positive Thinking" blog and literally cried when I read through it. Supporting myself, taking care of my body, BEING GENTLE AND KIND AND PATIENT with myself...These are all things I truly started doing about five years ago. Sure, I've been single for NINE years, but the first few were rather tough. And, let me add, it's easy to fall back into the self deprecating dialogs which walks hand in had with self pity. The key is to, once again, be patient and kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. They will see this and understand what you truly deserve.
 THIS is another KEY to loving yourself is learning to LIVE and LOVE life! Have a good life!! Have fun! Have adventures with yourself! Laugh a lot! ENJOY life. For me that trickled  into learning to live debt free and being organized and taking good care of my mental health too!
Get your shit together and you'll be happy with yourself. And THAT will show others that you're amazing and wonderful and that you love yourself. And, well...THAT is lovable to others. They will treat you with the same amazing love that you give yourself.
Although a bit cheesy, the list above is SPOT on. But rather that reading it and thinking of a man...read it and think of yourself. Yeah, amazing, huh. I have had to learn to be honest with myself and then with friends. (A few had to go!) And I learned to forgive myself! And trust myself! I am patient and love my time alone! I believe I can be romantic with myself even--treating myself to things I like. A latte or a new blouse--I really do deserve a little TLC, right?
And now, I really am a very good friend to myself.  And to others as well.
Eventually, many years later...I found a romantic relationship--with another person even!--that contains ALL of these same ingredients. I loved who I was and treated myself with kindness and respect.  And he found that very attractive.
Treating myself with love began with actually becoming a person I love. And admire. And respect. And talk kindly to.
It took a little while.
But now, amazingly, people treat me the same way. 

1 comment:

Lorraine said...

I love this insight. It is so true and I try to apply the same to my life. If I'm not going to love me, who is going to? XoXo