Sunday, January 12, 2014

NINE years ago today

People often ask, “What was the worst day of your life…?”
For me, January 12, 2005 is always the answer. 

LONG story (which most of you know) short, my husband was very upset with me, and I came home from work to find suitcases that he had put on the bed. He told me to pack up and move out.
After 23 years of being married to this man who was often angry and seldom kind, I wasn't quite sure what to do. I was OH so ready to leave him, but not so ready to leave my kids, my home, my neighbors...my life!
I was working at Saddleback Church and quickly called the Pastor on Duty to briefly let him know what was going on and ask his opinion. He said, "Sounds like you should leave, at least for the night, and then figure out what to do."
My children were upset and crying in the living room…though they were 22 and nearly 20 years old, it was very hard for me to think of leaving THEM as they both still lived at home. I still cooked their meals and washed their clothes and loved on them--and their friends--OH so very much. I SO enjoyed being with them, but I knew that they were grown adults—Allison was a college graduate and Zac was well on his way in the same direction. They were not going to be living in that home much longer themselves!
I also knew that my window of opportunity was open.
If I was (ever) going to leave…it needed to be at that moment.
I had thought about leaving for years! Yes, YEARS!
Again, LONG story short, it was a long time coming.
I reluctantly and very slowly packed my bags. I remember thinking that it was SO WRONG...and I went back out to the kitchen and said to the three of them, “Come on…I'm not moving out…”
My (now former) husband yelled at me, “You don’t live here any more! We’re busy figuring out who’s going to do the laundry and go grocery shopping and clean the house…”
I thought, oh, wow! THAT'S what you're figuring out?!
Hmm, OK. If that's your main concern...then OK! Three intelligent people, you’ll be OK.
I went and grabbed the suitcase and walked out to my car. He yelled at me the whole way out the door, "You'll never make it on your own. You don't even know how to balance a checkbook..." (And a whole lot more..)
I drove over to the gas station, parked and cried. (Actually I went inside and bought a bag of M &M's and a Diet Coke...and THEN sat in the car and cried.
I knew I had left my (yes, grown) children. And I could barely stand that thought. 
I had left my home and all my belongings. And I had left the man I had been married to for 23 years.
Yes, by far, the worse day of my life. 

Of course when people ask, "What was the best day of your life?"
I have to answer,
"The same day."
Today is NINE years since I moved out of the house and started a whole new life. 

2 comments:

Lorraine said...

And if I think of the many words of wisdom, advice, encouragement and kindness that have come from your experiences, well, I am just grateful to have received all of them. You, my friend, are an amazing woman.

Kelly said...

I can't believe that was 9 years ago!...... Still the best decision you've ever made my friend!!! Love you XO