The D word

I refuse to say the "D" word. I can't stand when someone asks if I am divorced. I don't believe I've actually ever said those words--and I promise you, I never will. I just don't care for the term--and all that it implies. Most people think failure when those words are uttered. And I am no failure.
And, neither was my marriage.

When asked if I am married, I simply reply, "No." When asked if I ever was, I say, "Yes, I was married for 23 years and I've been single for the last five." Doesn't that sound calmer and nicer and less harsh than "I am divorced"? Ugh. Gosh, I hate that term. On top of sounding negative and depressing, it's a term based on the past. And I don't live that way. "I am single" is the present. And it's softer, kinder and positive!
Then, of course, they ask, "TWENTY THREE YEARS?!" Yes. And here's the point I want to make: I assure you that each of those 23 years was filled with love, happiness, incredible experiences and amazing memories. OK, maybe not all coming from the marriage itself, but there were very few days that were not full of laughter and love, no matter what. I had great jobs, enjoyed 17 years of going to college, and thrived with an incredible number of wonderful friendships! Above all, let me proudly add that throughout those years--more than anything else--I enjoyed every second of raising two amazing children who are now independent, fun-loving adults--both college grads with great hearts!
I am convinced that EVERY marriage gleans good and bad--whether or not you stay married. And those years are FULL of good memories--whether or not they even have to do with your spouse!
For me, there was SO much good. The vast majority of my joyful experiences and priceless memories (at this point anyway) are from the oh so many years that I was married. I don't get through a day without recalling an adventure from one of our many trips to New York City or a story from when my kids were little or a lesson I learned from the times we were struggling financially in the early days...or, well you get it. The majority of MY LIFE was during those years.
You know the line from the song, "The Way We Were"--So it's the laughter, we remember...honestly, that's exactly how I think back on those 23 years now. For the most part, only the good stuff remains and I consider those years very well spent and with very few regrets. I am still reaping amazing benefits from that investment.
This is also why I will never use the term "ex-husband", instead, always referring to him as my "former husband" or simply refer to him by his name. Again, this is just so much kinder and softer...after all, he is part of nearly all of my memories. I am proud of him for the good father he is to our kids and have always admired his intelligence, business sense and perseverance. He also has great taste in music and loves the Dodgers. (What can I say?)
It can get a bit tricky sometimes though, when I tell a story. For example, a friend at work is training to run a marathon. The other day I said to her, "My husband is a marathon runner." Which, of course is not correct. Then I said, "I mean my husband WAS a marathon runner." Which, again, is totally incorrect. I had to stop, and think, and word it correctly: "My former husband IS a marathon runner." Bingo.
This happened again yesterday, which spawned this post today. I was talking with another friend who is dating a man who is a bit older than she is. I said to her, "My former husband was seven years older than me."
She stopped and laughed a little and said, "And he probably still is."
The good ol' days were good. And the future looks bright.
It's all good.
It really is.