Sunday, September 14, 2014

You're gonna hear me ROAR!

 At least once a week or so, Dave will tell me that I am the strongest person he knows. I thank him, of course, and then remind him how lucky he is to have never known the VERY weak Julie Hibbard (and previously the even WEAKER Julie DiLallo) during the saddest, longest, darkest days of my existence.
Sure, I'm strong now...but how did I get here?
Believe it or not, I will have been single TEN YEARS come January 12, 2015.
Ten (VERY) LONG years.
I was a (very) weak woman who made a BRAVE move and started a new chapter in life at 42 years of age. How did I do that?
Looking back now, I am so very proud of myself. Despite utter fear of the complete unknown, I jumped.
How did I become so strong you ask?

I did it one day at a time. I know, trite but true. I learned how to just take care of THIS day.
And then the next. I figured out how to NOT stress about what MIGHT happen. And, more than anything, when the dark, sad days came again...I learned to say, "OK Julie're going to live through this one too.
My words to Dave about strength are these: Take a deep breath and do what you can do. Control what you can control and then, in the mean time--as you're waiting for results and outcomes--live each moment of your life.
You will learn to persevere. You will find that you can, indeed, get through anything. You begin to be proud of yourself and confidence is born of that assurance! I've become brave as well as strong. I know I can handle just about anything that comes my way. (Honestly, it's what I get paid to do at work!) And, I have lived through a WHOLE lot!
One other thing that I have intentionally made a habit of was watching FUNNY shows and movies. Seeing and hearing and FEELING laughter and humor was medicine for my overworked, oft-broken heart. I would find myself crying in the bathtub with a beer and would say, "OK, that's enough now." I'd get up and turn on Will & Grace or Ethel & Lucy or Dumb & Dumber or Laverne & Shirley or...well, you get it.
I saw that there was so much more to life than my little bit of sorrow...and I laughed my way out of sadness.
And the more I persevered (I LOVE that word), the more resilient I became to falling so deeply sad again.
And, became stronger. Fearless!
And SO often would say, "You know you're going to get this one too, Julie Hibbard." 
Nothing really upsets me or gets me down too much any more. I laugh a lot. And let go a lot sooner.
Again, seems trite to say, but the future is so very uncertain. You can only plan so much. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. We're all one phone call from our knees...You've heard them all.
And they are true.
Strength comes from knowing what you can control--and doing all you can to do so. It also comes in even bigger doses when you are able to admit you've done everything you can, and that it's time to let go. And start living.

I want to see you be brave.


md said...

I'll try. I feel like I've taken fourteen rounds of beatings and don't have enough strength to get off the stool and come out of the corner for one more round.

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