Friday, February 20, 2015

Nectar from a hummingbird

Right now (and hopefully for not too much longer), I am living on the third floor of an apartment building. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly grateful to have a place to live, but now, after three months of being here, I have yet to have the feeling that I am 'home.' I have put an offer in--over two months ago actually--on what I feel would be a more permanent place for me to BE, and apparently the bank is still working on it. Of course that only adds to the 'temporary, not-quite-home' I am feeling, being here.
If nothing else, as much as I don't feel quite comfortable here, it has allowed me some much needed time to sit down.
I no longer have three stories and three bedrooms and two bathrooms to clean. (God knows I vacuum this entire place from one plug.) My patio here is about 1/4th of the size of the one at the other place, and (the biggest bummer for me,) I no longer have my two car garage, which, amazingly always gave me something to do! I can't tell you how many times I just went down there to rearranged those rhino racks and reorganized the work bench and clean out the rafters, one more time. I took many photographs of my fabulously organized garage. I LOVED it.
I have a carport now. And most of the things I rearranged all those many years have found their way to Goodwill or were sold, with much help from Craig and his ever-ready list of buyers.
Again, please know that I am not complaining, but today, right now, I kinda feel in a state of limbo. I know this is not where--or even HOW--I am supposed to be living. This is not the home that I once SO loved to decorate and fix up and have people over for dinner in. And this is not yet the home that I hope to so love and decorate and fix up and have people over for dinner in...
So why am I here?
Today, as I looked out on the (yes, I must admit, magnificent) view from my back window, I saw a hummingbird just sitting (ok, hovering) outside. I swear he was looking right at me through the window. Again, remember, I am on the third floor, so I am above most of the tops of the trees, just a few in the distance are a bit taller and there are certainly not any flowers up here. I have never seen a hummingbird outside that window before.
So why is this hummingbird here?
I sat down to read a bit and the bird showed up again. And then again! You know me, I figured it was a I did a little online research on hummingbirds...and realized exactly why the sweet little bird was there for me today.

A hummingbird symbolizes timeless joy and the Nectar of Life.
It is a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible and will teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living from your own life circumstances.

Hummingbirds are considered to be symbols of
peace, love, happiness, resilience, perseverance and patience.

As I look around this apartment right now, I realize that everything in it 'made the cut.' My photo albums and 45s and my yearbooks and Bobby Sherman lunch pail. I've decorated it with the furniture from my last home (including the curtains that I took right off the walls) and lots of suitcases, Dodgers stuff and Eiffel Towers. The place definitely looks like me. It's quiet. It's peaceful and, ever so subtly, it really has allowed me the time to relax and has even encouraged me to be patient. (Two things that I am, admittedly, not very good at...)
I'm doing quite a bit of writing again these days...even catching up on a whole lot of reading.
Maybe it's OK to live in a (temporary) state of unsureness. This place of not exactly knowing where I am to be or why I am here or where I will be a few months from now. Maybe, just maybe...I'm suppose to just be accepting of what is. For now. Perhaps I'm being reminded to live in a constant state of timeless joy--not in wishing for the past to be changed or in being too anxious about what the future holds. Maybe I'm supposed to enjoy and accept each day as it comes...and not ask so many damn questions.
As I am finishing this up, the bird appears at the window again! I swear he wants to come in. And I realize...he has. The room is full of love and happiness...and undeniable peace.
I am resilient, and full of always.
I just needed a little reminder.


Lorraine said...

Sounds like you also need a hummingbird feeder! Great blog Julie. I love the way you find the positive in every situation. You are blessed! I know the "limbo" feeling you talk about....waiting for the next chapter....forgetting to enjoy the current one....Yup. I get it. Have a wonderful day.

Kelly said...

Absolutely LOVE this blog my sweet friend! XO

Zuzana said...

Oh Julie, what a beuatiful post! You know me, I am BIG on signs and I find it so enchanting that you have experienced one and you found the true meaning f it.;)
The state you are in right now I recognize, I feel the most magical experiences however lie always in the journey, If you would already be settled in a place, it would feel so finished and final...
Even though I love my house, knowing that this is where I will spend the rest of my days would drive me insane. Enjoy your "in between" time, knowing the best is still yet to come.;))
Have a lovely weekend dear friend,

BUM said...

You should write a book!!!!!!!!!