Tuesday, July 29, 2014
No gifts, only presence...
It had been 18 months. Truly.
After a five year stretch of really being faithful to workouts and yoga, in January of 2013, I stopped.
Suddenly I was too busy. Too many things to do. To clean. To iron. Too many to dos. I really felt that I didn't have the time! (Seriously, how did I work and go to school and take care of my family and a big house all those years?!)
Honestly, I was afraid of seeing everyone that worked there and having them ask me where I've been. How silly is that?
And, what if I can't even stand on one leg any more? What if I fall over? I have gained 10 pounds in that 18 months...what if I look fat in those pants. (Yes, I'm very silly.)
Yesterday I got off work early and got all the laundry done by 2 and decided to check if they still had the Monday 4:30pm yoga class at my gym. (Yes, I still belong--I have a $29/YEAR membership for life.) They do.
I dug out my yoga mat and my yoga pants (this pair had never seen the inside of a gym) and braved the craziness of my mind and simply went to the class.
First off, not one of the old staff that I knew was there yesterday. (They used to call out "Bubbles" when I walked in.) Not one.
Secondly, no one even CARED that I was there. No one said, "Where have you been you lazy person!" (Why did I think they would?!) No one even noticed! I just walked in like the rest of the folks, rolled out my mat and sat in the cool, dark room. (It was actually quite lovely.)
Thirdly, and most importantly (to me anyway...) I was not nearly the largest one in the class. Nor the oldest. NOR the least coordinated!
Sure, the girl to my right was phenomenal and could do all the poses with grace--I watched her and dreamed of my body being able to bend like that someday. But the guy on my right was about 65. In cargo shorts with a belt. He was on his knees for most of the class, and did his best to keep up and stay balanced.
Yep, I was right in the middle.
And it felt great. I breathed and stretched and it felt magnificent. Magnificent to be doing something for me. For my body. For my mind. Breathing. Meditating (trying anyway...)
Smiling for sure.
I definitely missed my friend Kelly who used to work close and would join me for yoga in 2010. She'd sweat like crazy, make me laugh the whole time and yell out, "Are we skinny yet?!"
And we'd go for a glass of wine or a Margarita afterward.
These are different days for me.
And it's time to begin taking care of myself again.
I'm off today and I'm heading back to the gym for 'Stretch' class at 10am.
I have to do a load of laundry before I go. And I'll go to the Supermarket after.
See, I CAN do it all.
It is a gift to myself.
The gift of presence.