Dating must have been much simpler pre-internet days.Well, maybe not dating, but the after math...the break up, the heartache...the healing. It HAD to have been much easier when you could not get on his Facebook (and his kids' Facebook) and see proof that he has gone on, doing well, enjoying life...it HAD to be better to NOT know...that he is doing just fine--without you.
Don't you think it had to have been easier and far less painful when you didn't know that he moved to another city and now has a new job? (And have access to the address, the phone number and his new email right there for the tempting?) I KNOW recovery time MUST have been speedier when you were not reading his blog, or Google-ing his company's webpage and viewing his latest achievements and interviews. Or logging in and reading his current Facebook status. Yeah, Facebook is the tough one. His updates come straight to your home page. As well as his vacation pictures. New home photos. Along with his lovely new girlfriend. (And, no problem finding his OLD girlfriends by the way!) Yeah, sure, you can de-friend him and/or block his updates...truth is, you want to know what he's doing. Right? Even if HE doesn't have a Facebook, his kids do. His friends do. Lots of photos for the stalking...I mean taking...I mean to look at.
It's absolutely addictive.
The truth is, we want them to know what we're doing too. Check out my new car! Here's MY vacation photos. Look at ALL the friends I have! Here's MY new love...well, my nephew and me at the fair. SEE? Look how happy I AM! Oh yeah! I'm fine without you too!
Well, I'm sure trying to be anyway.
Sounds kind of silly, huh? (Or is it just plain sick?)
Of the handful of men I have dated (especially the two or three that I've been very attached to) the majority are still a part of my life through these highly acceptable 'social networks'. (I know. Just a few years ago it was called Internet stalking.) And for some reason, I want to know. I want to know what they are doing. Where they are going. That they have been on vacation. That they are training for a race. That they got a new job...or a new girlfriend...or now have a wife...and a baby.
I see that they are happy, enjoying themselves and having fun.
I see that their lives have gone on...and well!
I can SEE that they have (quite successfully) moved on...
Have I?
Is it wrong for me to hope that they are ok? Is it ok for me to wonder how they are? I honestly want each of them to be happy. Well, for the most part. Do you think this is constant torture?
Or, is it more of a reminder for me to keep moving on? Is it confirmation for me that it's time for all of us to move forward...no matter how tempting (and EASY!) it is to look back? Or is it simply curiousity getting the better of me?
Certainly I am not the only one who does this.
Am I?
Just wondering...do you think they do the same to me...I mean to us?
Anymore, it's almost impossible not to.
And, honestly, I happen to know that they do.
Linked In actually lets you know who has been on your site.
And they've been there.
Through Google Analytics and Sitemeter, I know that they have been on my blog.
And often.
If you Google "Julie Hibbard", of 1,050,000 results, I am the first thing to come up.
(Actually, the first three...)
And, well, it makes me happy.
I know. Sounds kind of silly, huh?
Actually, I really am happy. Really! And I truly have moved on.
I just want to be sure they know.
Don't you think it had to have been easier and far less painful when you didn't know that he moved to another city and now has a new job? (And have access to the address, the phone number and his new email right there for the tempting?) I KNOW recovery time MUST have been speedier when you were not reading his blog, or Google-ing his company's webpage and viewing his latest achievements and interviews. Or logging in and reading his current Facebook status. Yeah, Facebook is the tough one. His updates come straight to your home page. As well as his vacation pictures. New home photos. Along with his lovely new girlfriend. (And, no problem finding his OLD girlfriends by the way!) Yeah, sure, you can de-friend him and/or block his updates...truth is, you want to know what he's doing. Right? Even if HE doesn't have a Facebook, his kids do. His friends do. Lots of photos for the stalking...I mean taking...I mean to look at.
It's absolutely addictive.
The truth is, we want them to know what we're doing too. Check out my new car! Here's MY vacation photos. Look at ALL the friends I have! Here's MY new love...well, my nephew and me at the fair. SEE? Look how happy I AM! Oh yeah! I'm fine without you too!
Well, I'm sure trying to be anyway.
Sounds kind of silly, huh? (Or is it just plain sick?)
Of the handful of men I have dated (especially the two or three that I've been very attached to) the majority are still a part of my life through these highly acceptable 'social networks'. (I know. Just a few years ago it was called Internet stalking.) And for some reason, I want to know. I want to know what they are doing. Where they are going. That they have been on vacation. That they are training for a race. That they got a new job...or a new girlfriend...or now have a wife...and a baby.
I see that they are happy, enjoying themselves and having fun.
I see that their lives have gone on...and well!
I can SEE that they have (quite successfully) moved on...
Have I?
Is it wrong for me to hope that they are ok? Is it ok for me to wonder how they are? I honestly want each of them to be happy. Well, for the most part. Do you think this is constant torture?
Or, is it more of a reminder for me to keep moving on? Is it confirmation for me that it's time for all of us to move forward...no matter how tempting (and EASY!) it is to look back? Or is it simply curiousity getting the better of me?
Certainly I am not the only one who does this.
Am I?
Just wondering...do you think they do the same to me...I mean to us?
Anymore, it's almost impossible not to.
And, honestly, I happen to know that they do.
Linked In actually lets you know who has been on your site.
And they've been there.
Through Google Analytics and Sitemeter, I know that they have been on my blog.
And often.
If you Google "Julie Hibbard", of 1,050,000 results, I am the first thing to come up.
(Actually, the first three...)
And, well, it makes me happy.
I know. Sounds kind of silly, huh?
Actually, I really am happy. Really! And I truly have moved on.
I just want to be sure they know.
4 comments:
Julie,
you really need to write for a newspaper or write a book! You have a talent with your writing that keeps me reading!
You are NOT the only one who cyberstalks - even us happily married ones do!!!
I agree with Debbie..I can't hardly start the day without your blog. As for the past relationships......they're all fools!!!!
Yes, we all cyberstalk too. Yes, it is okay. Yes, it is a liiitttle weird that you wish them well (I do not. I wish them a life of solitude and poverty. Okay, not really...but kind of).
I think it's just human nature. Emotional attachments are not easy to sever; it's sticky. I think there is a part of us that is eternally invested in the lives of former friends and lovers. We can't let go, not really, not completely. They have affected us deeply and we are forever changed. So it makes sense that we want to know where they are and what they're up to and how much weight they've gai - er, I mean, how they're doing...
I say, cyberstalk on!!
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