I know...I have to let go...

Memorial Day 2010

I knew it...

If I could go back in time:
I would listen to my gut a lot more often.
From this point, forward:
I'm gonna listen to my gut a lot more often.

It's a new life for me...and I'm feeling good...

My new bathing suit came in the mail today. I ordered it on Nordstrom.com, trusting the picture and hoping I got the right size. I wanted to be sure that it would cover me in all the right places and not cover me in all the right places too!

It is the first bathing suit that I have purchased since 1996.
Yes, seriously.

As I took it out of the box and held it up, I thought it looked awfully small. But I sure thought it was pretty.
I just wasn't quite ready to put it on.

I headed out to the gym and ran a few errands and came back and showered. And then, I tried on the suit.
Amazingly, it fit me perfectly. Perfectly!

What was even more amazing was what I heard myself say as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror:
"You look good..." I said "you really look good..."

I don't believe I've ever said those words to myself...
certainly never while wearing a bathing suit.

It felt kinda nice.
Which is really good.
Cause now, the way I see it, I won't have to buy another swimsuit til 2024.

A great episode of Friends

Coming this Fall

I mean GOING...
Just booked the trip!

I'm perfectly lonely

Had a little love
But I spread it thin
Falling in your arms
and out again

Tore out my heart
and shut it down

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one but me
That's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
Yeah...
Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs to me

I see my friends around from time to time
When their husband's let them slip away
And when they ask me how I'm doing
This is always what I say

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one to be
Is it really hard to see?

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
Yeah...
Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all the other times
I have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
Yeah...
Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs to me

--John Mayer

One for the road....

Chocolate Chip Calzone at Claim Jumper
Absolutely one of the best desserts ever!

The last of the birthday celebrations was with my high school friends!
I can't remember laughing quite so hard...
it felt so good

We are Family

Celebrating my birthday with my family...life is good!

Go ahead...

There are a few things that truly make my heart beat. Things that make me smile EVERY SINGLE TIME.
A few things that never fail to make my day:

1. Someone saying, "Good Morning Beautiful!"
2. Getting a birthday card in the mail.
   
3. Seeing the purple Jacarandas trees in full bloom!
   
4. A Dodger win!
5. Weighing less than 130.
6. ONE BITE of an amazing cinnamon roll.
   
7. Laughing til I can't breathe!
8. Finishing a book.
9. Hearing people say, "There is NO WAY you have kids 27 and 25!"
10. Climbing into bed, in my quiet little house and knowing I made it through another day.
    

Alone again, so naturally...

Until about five years ago, I had never lived alone. When I was 18, I moved from my family's home--with four younger sisters--into my (now former) husband's home--with two room mates and two dogs. Oh, and we had a baby on the way! My entire life I relished time alone, but moments of solitude and silence were few and far between. Again--up until five years ago.

Now, my life is full of silence and lots of time to myself. Though it's been a kind of rough couple of weeks for me, I gotta tell ya, being alone ain't half bad...
So as I sit here watching the Dodgers win their 10th out of 11, let me share with you a few of the things I have come to appreciate over the last several years.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BEING SINGLE & LIVING ALONE

1. I listen to music in my house day and night. I sing at the top of my lungs (often the wrong lyrics) and throw in some cool dance moves. No one is there to complain...or make fun of me.
2. I come home from the gym and strip in the garage. I come up to the house naked, sometimes stopping at the fridge and taking gulps of juice straight from the carton.
3. I eat food directly from the containers. Less dishes to wash.
4. I have yet to wash my new car. (I love that.)
5. I eat in my car. And drink in my car. And leave stuff in my car.
(I really love that.)
6. My house is kinda messy. (Unless you're coming over.)
7. I never make my bed. (Unless you're coming over.)
8. I watch baseball or ESPN 24/7. Reruns of the 1987 All Star game are better than anything on TV.
9. I buy whatever I want, whenever I want, where ever I want. (And I throw away the receipts.)
10. I do laundry twice a month. Maybe. And I live out of the basket for weeks.
11. I eat a yogurt for dinner. Or a couple of scrambled eggs. Usually with a beer.
12. I take a nap every day.
13. I take a bath every day. (Usually with a beer.)
14. I go to the gym, to yoga or for a walk nearly every day.
15. I read two or three books a week.
16. I sit on the couch with my laptop for hours every night. And I sleep with my BlackBerry.
17. I go out with friends several times a week. (Sometimes, friends visit me...)
18. I see my family a few times each month. (Because I want to.)
19. I sleep in the middle of the bed and wrap myself up in all the covers.
20. Sometimes, I get up, read the paper and then go back to bed. Often actually.
21. I'm in my jammies by 3 or 4 in the afternoon.
22. I'm the only one who bitches when there's no milk for the coffee.
23. I am going to San Francisco next month mainly to see the Dodgers play the Giants. And because I can.
24. No one keeps track of where I am or when I'm coming home. (Spur of the moment is a whole new world.)
25. It's a very simple, easy, quiet, uncomplicated, delightful and gratifying way to live.

Please know too, that I am not advocating that you become single.
I am just reminding myself of how fulfilling it is to love and appreciate the life I have, rather than to wish and long for a life that I don't have.
Let me tell you, there's a whole lot of good in this life.

So, until I find a man who just wants to sit on the couch and listen to music and watch baseball and drink beer...
I'll be living alone and loving it.

Really?

I'm not sure if I believe this anymore.

HAPPY birthday...

It was, indeed, a happy birthday...

Bonne chance

(Somehow, it's always worth it)

(good luck)

It's May 19th!

It is, indeed, a Happy Birthday.

Staying Curious

This blood's for you!

My dad and I gave blood today and, together, we saved SIX lives.

By the way, we both have the same blood type:
B positive!

High School Magical

Cheers! Here's to our 29th High School Reunion!

And the continuous celebration of my birthday!

My life long friend, Sonja!

Hey, they asked me to bring paper goods!

Just a fraction of the people who came to our reunion today!
Many more photos to come!

Love at Leah's

Life is Good (again)

Oh what a night...

I'll start with a pomegranate martini please!
And a little seared ahi to go with it...
add a few good friends and a lot of laughter...
And finish it off with chocolate covered frozen bananas!
Such a delicious night. Pretty sure it doesn't get any better!

Fade to back...

Above: The LONG regretted tattoo
Below: At the six month mark of tattoo removal procedures.
Hooray! And just another six months to go...
can't wait til it's totally gone.
(Um, have I mentioned it hurts like hell?)

On the road again...

My former husband was the king of analogies (probably still is...) I learned the fine art from him and am still proud of myself when I can come up with a good one.

Like I did this morning.

I was thinking of this man I had been dating (somewhat consuming thoughts...) I was on the right path, moving forward and going the right direction...or so I thought.
Apparently, (though still hard for me to believe), it was but a(nother) little side trip on the path of life...I'm not exactly where I was hoping to end up, but, I must admit, the entire experience was quite enjoyable just the same.

I was likening it to the trip my family took in 1978. Our destination: a giant DiLallo Family reunion in Montreal, Canada. No, we didn't fly, in fact, my first plane ride wasn't until I was 21. Nope, it was 3000 plus miles in a motor home with my parents and four sisters. As you can imagine, it was quite an adventure.
And rather than drive straight through to the reunion, my parents planned several little side trips for us the entire way there. We saw Yosemite and Yellowstone. The Grand Tetons and Jackson Hole. Mount Rushmore and Devil's Tower (from Close Encounters!) We saw New York City and Niagara Falls--so much cool stuff to see and experience along the way! Of course it took a while--a couple of weeks--to get there, but the journey was just as fun as the destination.
We'd stop at fruit stands to buy fresh peaches and watermelon and we'd make a special side trip for a delicious (?) hot meal at a Howard Johnson's Motor Lodge Restaurant. We'd spend the night at a KOA or Crazy Horse camp ground most of the time, and the folks would occasionally treat us to a night at a hotel where we RELISHED a hot shower and a swim in the pool.
Point is, we enjoyed the ride.

Life is so very much like that trip!
I am pretty sure I know where I want to end up--in love with an incredibly kind man who wants to watch baseball with me and drink beer with me and kiss me a lot. And hold my hand and tell me I'm pretty. And just do nothing with me.
But apparently, it's gonna take a while to get there!
Though not intentional, I've taken quite a few "detours" while on the path to that destination. Fortunately for me, the vast majority of those little side trips have been (for the most part) quite pleasant and enjoyable. In fact, this last one was magnificent. I loved every minute of that amazing experience. Actually, I thought I might be at my destination...
It was the best stop on this journey--so far.
It has taken me a few days to catch my breath and get my bearings, but I am back on the path again. Though I think I know where I want to end up, right now, I'm not quite sure where I'm headed...or where this (incredible) journey will ultimately take me.
Cool thing is, and I just want you to know...
I am thoroughly enjoying the ride.

Currently reading...

Though they're rather worn out--and I do have parts of each memorized--they come through for me every time!


And, I always think this will be the last time I will have to read them.

And you know how much I love to dance.

Yeah, lesson learned.