Driving Miss Crazy

This year will mark 30 years of driving for me.
Number of times pulled over: THREE

Number of tickets: ZERO

The first time I was pulled over was when I was 16--the policeman asked me for my phone number.
The second time was when I was about 30--my registration was expired.
The third time was about a year ago--
the policeman said I was 'weaving' within the lane.
Then he asked me for my phone number.

Beneficial Friends

I loved this night! My friend, Laura (left) made a DELICIOUS dinner for Claudia and me..grilled chicken salad, assorted CHEESES and grapes and breads...add a movie and a bottle of Chardonnay (OK--TWO) and you have yourself one amazing night. Seriously...I love these friends. And tonight was exactly what I needed.

Cold house, warm heart

My heater has been broken for about a month. I KNOW! And DAMN, has it been cold in this house--especially at night. I've been wearing flannel pajamas (with the legs tucked into my big wool socks), a long sleeved t-shirt--and a sweat shirt! (I know, so sexy, right?) Then I 'd bundle up in a blanket and go to sleep under my down comforter. As long as I stayed in bed, I was warm!
But when I got out of the shower at 4:30am...YIKES!
I would touch all the buttons on the heater, flick the switches back and forth TRYING to get the heater to start up every day! Sometimes it would stay on for a couple of minutes--warming the house up 2 degrees or so--but then click off. (Every single time I would cuss...damn heater!) Then I swore I was smelling gas...so I stopped trying. And threw another blanket on the bed.
This morning it was 51 degrees in my house when I woke up. Sorry, but that's downright cold. I decided it was time to call the Gas Company.
"Dave", the nicest Gas Man in the world (34 years with the company!) tapped a bit here and did a couple of twists there, and it was fixed! When I asked Dave if he smelled gas...he said no, but that he definitely smelled something. He asked when I had last changed my filter.
Gulp. Um. Never? Yeah...I have lived here for 2 1/2 years now. And, no, never.
Dave pulled out the filter on the left in the picture above. Not too pretty, huh? (I went straight to Lowes and purchased the new filter...the old one was also the wrong size!)
While Dave (my new best friend) was running a few tests on the heater, he was also admiring all the photographs on my wall. He asked me questions about my sisters, my children (said he didn't believe my kids were in their 20s), and my childhood. He told me about his wife, about a time in his life that he had been homeless...and that he loved Jesus! He was so kind. Then, he asked if he could pray with me. (I am not making this up--it was incredible--and at this point, I had tears in my eyes!) He took my hands--right there in front of the heater--and prayed for me and for my family and thanked God that he was able to fix the heater for me. At the end of that prayer...totally out of the blue...Dave asked God to bring a beautiful man into my life.
And so, tonight, I am warm.

Is this Heaven?

Oh dear in friends in Ohio, Montreal, Tennessee, Texas and Michigan (and everywhere else there is snow and/or ice on the ground!)
It was 72 degrees in Laguna Beach today!

It was absolutely spectacular down at the beach...the sun was warm, the flowers all in full bloom, we saw dolphins in the ocean, pelicans flew above us...an amazingly gorgeous day!

We actually had our meeting ON THE BEACH this afternoon! (With Graham and Chase above.) We sat on beach towels and--for a brief moment--we closed our eyes and breathed in the fresh air and felt the ocean breeze. It was magnificent! The girl who was leading our meeting asked us to stop and look around for a few minutes...she encouraged us to realize and appreciate the incredible beauty around us. We did! Oh man...we did!

And I thought of you, dear friends in cold places.
It's January 28th in Laguna Beach...
wish you were here...

Go Dodgers (Fans)

How about that? And you know how much
I like to have a checklist of things to do!
I can't wait to see how many of these 100 things I didn't know or haven't already done yet...I'll get right on it!
The book comes out in April...til then,
check out Jon Weisman's blog HERE

My so crawled life

Each and every time I leave a movie, I walk out thinking, "I could write something BETTER than that." By the time I get to my car I m thinking, "OK--I'm on it. I'm gonna write a movie." The movie would be (very loosely based on) my life--and told (in voice over) in line with what my hopes and dreams were along the way. The movie would SHOW my experiences, but be TOLD hand in hand with what my mind and heart were feeling at the time. Oh yeah, you'd laugh, you'd cry...and I think, overall, it would relay a sense of empathy, hope, and encouragement to the audience. Yes, there would be moments of sadness, but good would triumph and we would be cheering for the heroine--(Meg Ryan? Kate Winslet?)--as she gets up off the floor, scrubs the mascara out of the carpet and jets off to see Europe! OK...then she returns, and works very hard, yet is consumed in so desperately longing to find--not only the love of her life--but the reason for her life--the purpose for her very existence!!
Come on, it's good.
Yeah, I'm on it.
Just the events of this last four years--becoming single and living alone (I see scenes involving pancake and beer dinners) the trips abroad, the fabulous new job, great new home...throw in a little bit of dating and a whole lot of baseball--and then TELL it all with what my hopes and dreams were at the time!! (finding love and Dodgers winning the World Series) and you have yourself one great flick!
OK. I believe I could write this movie. And these 1255 blog posts would easily script the first couple of hours! There is only one very small problem at this point...
How in the world does it end?
Does she find the love of her life and travel the country stopping at each baseball stadium? What a great last couple of minutes THAT would make in a movie, huh? The scene shows the happy couple walking into all the stadiums, kissing, donning the hat of each team, kissing, eating hot dogs, kissing and singing "take me out to the ballgame"...probably could even get a few baseball players to make cameos. (Please note that the man and woman will kiss a lot in this film!)
Or does she decide that destiny can wait and do we see her at the In N Out drive thru as she finally realizes that the Double Double with cheese she has been forsaking for her figures' sake is just too damn wonderful after all? Again, the last couple minutes of the movie could show her ordering at the drive through, balancing the meal in her lap, taking a huge bite of burger and savoring the flavor!! Oh and sipping on a milkshake while shoveling in a handful of fries! AND...she would be smiling all the way home because no one is telling her how fattening it all is!
Hmmm....I hear loud music playing! Oh my gosh...just think of the KILLER soundtrack the movie would have! Oh yeah!
I can write a movie, right?
I know. It probably wouldn't be that good...and it would take a long time. And I'm kinda tired right now.
One thing for sure though...she will live happier ever after.
Trust me on that one.

A little wine and (say) CHEESE!

From the wedding Saturday night...
(well, a little wine and a little champagne...ok! and a martini!)

Wedding Attendance

Yesterday I attended one of the most beautiful and special weddings I have ever been a part of. I have known both the bride and the groom--and their families--for many years, so it was also an amazingly enjoyable reunion for me and SO many old friends! For a few reasons, we were not able to take photographs of the ceremony or reception--but, I assure you, it was absolutely gorgeous. And I did want to share a few photos of the great people I was able to spend time with yesterday...it was SUCH a fabulous day!
Jaime and Todd were smiling the whole time.
And so was I.

It's (mostly) all good

I refuse to say, "I am divorced." I don't believe I've actually ever said those words--and I promise you, I never will. I just don't care for the term--and all that it implies. Most people think failure when those words are uttered. And I am no failure.
And, neither was my marriage.

When asked if I am married, I simply reply, "No." When asked if I ever was, I say, "Yes, I was married for 23 years and I've been single for the last four." Doesn't that sound calmer and nicer and less harsh than "I am divorced"? Ugh. Gosh, I hate that term. On top of sounding negative and depressing, it's a term based on the past. And I don't live that way. "I am single" is the present. And it's softer, kinder and positive!
Then, of course, they ask, "TWENTY THREE YEARS?!" Yes. And here's the point I want to make: I assure you that each of those 23 years was filled with love, happiness, incredible experiences and amazing memories. OK, maybe not all coming from the marriage itself, but there were very few days that were not full of laughter and love, no matter what. I had great jobs, enjoyed 17 years of going to college, and thrived with an incredible number of wonderful friendships! Above all, let me proudly add that throughout those years--more than anything else--I enjoyed every second of raising two amazing children who are now independent, fun-loving adults--both college grads with great hearts!
I am convinced that EVERY marriage gleans good and bad--whether or not you stay married. And those years are FULL of good memories--whether or not they even have to do with your spouse!
For me, there was SO much good. The vast majority of my joyful experiences and priceless memories (at this point anyway) are from the oh so many years that I was married. I don't get through a day without recalling an adventure from one of our many trips to New York City or a story from when my kids were little or a lesson I learned from the times we were struggling financially in the early days...or, well you get it. The majority of MY LIFE was during those years.
You know the line from the song, "The Way We Were"--So it's the laughter, we remember...honestly, that's exactly how I think back on those 23 years now. For the most part, only the good stuff remains and I consider those years very well spent and with very few regrets. I am still reaping amazing benefits from that investment.
This is also why I will never use the term "ex-husband", instead, always referring to him as my "former husband." Again, this is just so much kinder and softer. After all, he is part of nearly all of my memories! I am proud of him for the good father he is to our kids and have always admired his intelligence, business sense and perseverance. He also has great taste in music and loves the Dodgers. (What can I say?)
It can get a bit tricky sometimes though, when I tell a story. For example, a friend at work is training to run a marathon. The other day I said to her, "My husband is a marathon runner." Which, of course is not correct. Then I said, "I mean my husband WAS a marathon runner." Which, again, is totally incorrect. I had to stop, and think, and word it correctly: "My former husband IS a marathon runner." Bingo.
This happened again yesterday, which spawned this post today. I was talking with another friend who is dating a man who is a bit older than she is. I said to her, "My former husband was seven years older than me."
She stopped and laughed a little and said, "And he probably still is."
I am single, soft, kind and positive. The good ol' days were good. And the future looks bright.
It's all good.
It really is.

External Monologue

These are pictures that I have been setting aside in my 'blog' folder on my desk top.














Stuff I want to blog about. Or stuff I just like, want, think of, obsess about...lose sleep over, or just want to share with you. Like the photo of my friend, Sarah and her new puppy, Beau.











And an old shot of me and Gina and friends at Halloween...and Jeff Kent holding back tears...me in my new pink Dodgers cap...And the 2-week Special K diet. (It's working!) And that freaking beautiful Rawlings bag. And money.
My brain never stops. Never.
Never.
oh, and Brad Pitt.

Abe, I need your lovin'

Shower the people...

Tonight we celebrated Jaime...who will be married to Todd--this Saturday! I have been friends Jaime these last four years through work. But what makes this even better is that I have known her fabulous aunt and amazing cousins for over 15 years! OH, and I worked with her incredible future mother-in-law forever at Saddleback Church. AND I have known her wonderful husband-to-be since he was in high school! SUCH a joy to be part of this couples' lives!

The girls from work...Molly, Jaime and Patty

Jaime's cousin's wife, Chrissy. I didn't know Chrissy, but, yep, I've known HER husband since he was in high school too! (Saddleback Church is like a small town...we all know each other!)

Congratulations Jaime!
You are magnificent...and Todd is one lucky man.

Ooh, Abe I love your way

Shoe on the road

Once upon a time, a pair of well-loved Rainbow sandals went on an African adventure. On a dark and stormy night, the truck carrying the suitcase in which the sandals were riding, turned over in the rain, scattering luggage and clothes--as well as the sandals--all over the side of a small dirt road in Kenya. Though many of the items were eventually returned to their owners, many things were mixed up, given to the wrong people and, sadly, many possessions were just plain lost.

Poor Mr. Left Rainbow Sandal was among the items safely returned to me...but, sadly, his twin was lost in the accident, the whereabouts a mystery to everyone. We searched through all the returned luggage, through everyone's belongings in hopes of finding Mr. Right Rainbow, to no avail.
That was five months ago.
Oddly enough, I have kept Mr. Left Rainbow all this time--in crazy hopes, I guess, that one day, his mate would show up. Though I often thought of throwing him out, I realized that seeing that shoe alone in my closet was a reminder of how wonderful those days in Kenya were--especially those first few days of no suitcases, of borrowing each others' clothes and of how we all quickly realized that it was such a minor inconvenience compared to the tasks we were to carry out in Kenya. Mr. Left Rainbow made me smile each time I saw him in my closet. Truly.

Last Friday night, I saw my friend, sweet Caroline at our Kenya reunion. She came over to me and said, "Oh, guess what? I have your sandal at my house!" Caroline, who stayed through October in Kitale, went on to tell me the sandal 'miraculously' showed up one day! I couldn't believe it.
So guess what arrived in my mail today?
Mr. Right Rainbow Sandal--returning from his extended vacation! Amazing! After nearly FIVE months of separation, the shoes are together again!
I had since bought another pair, of course. But, no doubt, this pair will be in my possession for a long, long time.
These shoes will always have a very special story to tell. And, they will live happily ever after...

Hmm, do you think the moral of the story is...'never stop looking for Mr. Right'?

BYOB

Admittedly, I am not much of a tree hugger. Sure, I recycle my shampoo bottles and three or four empty cans of Diet coke each week...but that's really about it.
But, let me tell you that I freaking feel like I am saving the world when I BMOB (bring my own bags) to the market!
I just feel 'cool' going in with them tucked under my arm and even COOLER walking out with all my groceries tucked inside! (Mostly, I think it makes me look like I have my sh*t together enough to remember to bring them into the store. Right?)
To make this practice even more rewarding, most stores are now offering "credit" in one way or another when you use your own bags for your purchases. (I even brought my bags into TJ Maxx the other day. Jealous?) Some stores take 5 or 10 cents off for each bag you bring in and some are giving 'points' on your in-store value club card. Henry's market gives customers 5% off your total when you BYOB! From what I am reading, many stores will be discontinuing the use of plastic bags altogether as of Earth Day this year.
Just in case you need a bit more convincing, let me add that the bags actually hold more, are stronger, and way easier to carry...and, come on, it's probably the easiest thing we can do to truly make a difference!
Of course, I have had friends tell me that they have had a couple of problems with these bags:
Umm...getting them BACK into the car after the groceries have been put away. And, yeah...remembering to take them into the store with you in the first place.

It's a Sunshine Day!

Happy 9th Birthday to
my fabulous niece, Sunny!

Got MLK?

because I can

I layed in bed this morning til almost nine.
Because I can
I lounged around in my jammies for a while...reading, relaxing, drinking coffee...
Because I can

i made myself some pancakes for breakfast
because I can
I sat in the silence and relished it
Because I can

i dream of the day that i share all of this with a beautiful man.
Because I can
and I really want to.

Sweet thought...

Baseball in the spring is as sweet as life can get...

...except for perhaps baseball in the fall.

Random Kinds of Factness (or stuff I thought about today...)

1. Last night I was with Sister Freda wondering what I could do to help the poor people of Kenya. Today I was simultaneously coveting a Porsche 911 and the experiences of my friend who is at Sundance.
   
2. Being honest doesn't mean that you tell everything to everyone. It just means being truthful about what you do tell. (PS I don't tell everything in this blog.)
   
3. I used to have the cleanest house on the block. Now it's ridiculous.
   
4. I know a lot of very wealthy people who are not very happy. You really can't buy it.
   
5. Fitness has very little to do with age. I can run circles around people who are half my age. Big circles. OK, jog.
   
6. I think I am more excited about my trip to Camelback Ranch (does that sound a little bit like Brokeback Mountain and/or Mustang Ranch to anyone else?) than I was about my three week trip to Europe.
   
7. If you want to change something...then change it! If you are not willing to change it, then you have to stop complaining about it.
   
8. I think I am to the point now that I am the same person with everyone I know. Even me.
   
9. I could listen to The Killers and The Fray all day. In fact, today, I did just that.
   
10. I will always read my horoscope. And my fortune cookies. And hope they are true. And eat the cookie. And yours too.
    

Kenya feel the love?

Allison is still in Kenya (for one more month!), but tonight we felt just a little bit closer to her. Kenya came to us this evening...in the form of Sister Freda, the AMAZING woman who runs a small hospital in Kitale. Allison has been working several days a week with Freda and her team for the last five months. It was SO great to see her!

Freda said, "Allison takes such good care of us and takes the children swimming...she is just wonderful...you have a beautiful daughter!"
(I know this, but it's always so nice to hear!)

My mother had just finished Freda's biography and was thrilled to meet her!Casey and Caroline are both Kenya alumni, in fact, Caroline lived with Allison in Kitale for several months!
Before the night was over, one person thought I WAS Allison and another came up to me and said, "Oh my gosh, you MUST be
Allison's sister...you look exactly like her!"
What a compliment!
Actually, even better, someday...I would love to BE exactly like her...

Spring Fling!

It's official!
I am the proud owner of tickets to a Dodgers Spring Training game!

Until this year, Dodgers Spring Training was in Vero Beach, Florida and, unfortunately, I never had a chance to go there. But beginning in just about SIX WEEKS (praise Jesus!) the Dodgers will begin training at their brand new complex in Glendale, Arizona.

AND, by the grace of God I have, not one, but TWO baseball-loving cousins who just happen to LIVE in Arizona! Of course they are Diamondback fans, but we all know who went to the NLCS last season, right?
I know that Robin and Sherri will ROOT ROOT ROOT for the Dodgers...at least for one day!Anyway, we already have a whole weekend planned around this GLORIOUS game!

Including a SECOND game at the Angels' Arizona Stadium!
OH! Guess who they are playing?
Yep. The Dodgers.

Does it get much better?

I don't care if I EVER get back...

One day in Amsterdam...

On my return trip from Kenya a few months ago, our team had an 8-hour layover in Amsterdam. Having spent two weeks eating beans, taking (infrequent) luke warm showers, and peeing in a hole, the sight of bakeries and breweries (and toilet paper!) was OH so GLORIOUS!
One of the team members sent me these pictures last night. It was fun to re-visit the day trip and remember how the little things were so delightful to us that day.
Like a cold beer...

the fabulous canals...

a hot apple pastry...
(and my "Amsterdam" Starbucks mug in that bag!)

the walk through the 'red light' district...

counting the breweries...

the great little stores...

the sweet little pub...

a little time at the park...

singing in the rain...

the lovely reminders of home...

museums and friendship...

and the things that are 'only in Amsterdam'.

Paved streets and sidewalks were welcomed sites for us this day!

What a treat! A day in fabulous Amsterdam...
We were so happy...cause we knew our next stop was home.
Thank you Michelle for the great photos!

Frugal Rocks*

My friend, Eliane, mentioned the word 'frugal' to me the other day. She said, 'Frugality is Freedom.' And I second that emotion. It's not being cheap, miserly or living like a pauper...it's actually kind of challenging and for me, truly fun. Frugal really means, "curbing costly habits, seeking efficiency, reducing waste and using resources economically." Beautiful stuff, really.
Most of us are in the same economic boat these days--and it's been a tough one to keep afloat. Here are a few of the ways that I have kept the boat from sinking...they might just work for you too.

1. Cut up the credit cards. (This stops the bleeding and the recovery can begin.)
   
2. Eat at home. Period. (Pasta+sauce+bread+salad=$3 at home. And $16 at a restaurant.)
3. Bring your food to work, on road trips, to the movies, and have friends to your house for dinner rather than going to a restaurant. (See pasta math above)
   
4. Make your own coffee. End of story.
   
5. Plan your meals for the week and make a shopping list. Stick to the list!
   
6. Buy shampoo, deodorant, detergent, soap, etc in bulk. (Only stuff that doesn't expire!)
   
7. Buy plain wrap/generic EVERYTHING! (Except Diet Coke of course.) Never pay retail. Please, when you must shop, check out TJ Maxx, Home Goods or the new Nordstrom Rack in Laguna Hills!
   
8. Recycle, Reuse and RE-GIFT! (Christmas was all RE-GIFTING for our family this year, and it was amazing! Every gift had a story! It was fun and saved us ALL so much money!)
   
9. Get rid of your land line and buy an 'everything plan' on your cell phone. This is saving me over $100/month. Seriously.
10. Go to the library for books and movies. (Or at least buy them USED on Amazon!)
11. Turn down the heater and put on a sweater or wrap up in a blanket. And shut off lights. (Your dad STILL isn't Mr. Edison.)
12. 'Downgrade' your cable. I'm not a TV watcher at all, but really, do you need 800 channels?
    
13. Remember it's an invitation, not a subpoena. You do NOT have to attend EVERY going away party, birthday celebration, wedding, and baby shower! Just say no.
    
14. Take care of the car you have. (You don't need a new one!) Rotate the tires, change the oil, have scheduled maintenance done. You'll save so much money in the long run.
    
15. Stay home! Play the games you have. Read the books you own. Watch the movies on your shelves. EAT THE FOOD YOU HAVE IN YOUR FRIDGE AND PANTRY!
    

Most importantly--don't give up!...and ENJOY LIFE! It does NOT cost a lot of money to have fun! Go sit at the beach, take a walk with a friend, swim at the community pool, have family over for coffee and home-made dessert! Play cards! Dig out that Nintendo system. Find that old Monopoly game! Draw! Journal! Tell jokes and stories of the good old days!!
Cause you know what?
Believe it or not, someday...these will be the good ol' days.

*you know you love that one.

Virtual perfection!

My friend Shannon and I have mutually admired each other for a very long time now. We have followed each other through our blogs and through others' blogs and through comments on blogs! We have emailed, encouraged and learned from each other over the last several months.
But we had never met.

Tonight we changed that. We decided it was time to meet--and eat--and chat and get to know each other a little better--in real life! And boy--did we do ALL of that! We had a fabulous dinner--including cheese bread, wine and some sort of chocolate deliciousness--and we quickly realized how very much we have in common! We are each the oldest of five kids. We both tend to over-think things, love to journal, love to buy books (and sometimes we even read them) and we both LOVE to take pictures!
I attempted to get somewhat 'artistic' with the photo of Shannon above, but I am no match for her...she is an amazing photographer...and OH so good at her craft! It was such a JOY to meet Shannon tonight! Be sure to check out her gorgeous photography HERE!

It's January 12th

Yep, year five begins today...
Sans the baby of course. And the dog. Oh, and the man.

To the moon...

There has been a GIANT full moon the last two nights. And as I drove into work the last couple of days, I have followed that moon and anticipated the MINUTE I would see the moonlight sparkling on the ocean! The last two mornings have been unbelievably spectacular and today, I pulled over into the Aliso Beach parking lot to sit and marvel at the most stunning of sights. I could see Catalina by the moonlight and the water DAZZLING from the beautiful moon shining so incredibly bright! I swear, it makes my heart SO happy to see the full moon over the ocean...and this morning, it literally brought tears to my eyes.
It is absolutely the most gorgeous sight and, no doubt, God's greatest gift to those of us who arrive to work at 5:30 am...

Goodpie Ange!

Next week, my friend, Ange will be starting a job with World Vision!
She will LITERALLY helping to save the world while also traveling the world!
Tonight was our GOODBYE party for our dear friend
...with LOTS and LOTS of pie and cake and cupcakes (and wine) to ease the pain.

Courtney, Ange and Alan and I worked together for YEARS at Saddleback!
Remember when...we weren't allowed to drink?
And, another "All STAR", our friend, Nancy!!

With my formerly mearly 'virtual' friend Bree!
We finally met in person!!

Just for YOU Allison...me with Luke and Jared!

Dang, I LOVE LOVE LOVE these people!!!

Luke and Laura
(Does ANYONE get that??)

This is Ange's GORGEOUS mother, Sue!!

There was a lovely "New Kids on the Block" montage video put together for Ange too.
"Hangin' Tough"....ahh...those are the REAL remember whens...
Best of luck to you my dear friend!! You are loved!

All in a daze quirk

Today was a blast. I literally got up, packed up the car and drove down the mountain just in time to meet my friend, Denise for her birthday lunch...

...SHE brought ME a present!! She said she couldn't resist it...that I had to have it! I have never owned a pink Dodgers hat!! What a treat!

After lunch, I drove home, unpacked the car, took a little nap and headed over for
Thatcher's birthday sushi celebration!

With Gina and Thatch
(Gina and I did NOT plan our attire, but amazing, right?)

Those ladies LOVE Thatcher!

This is Thatcher's dad, Mike. Apparently, this was the first time he had ever cut and served a birthday cake--so he (facetiously) said, "Why don't you blog about it, Julie!"
Welcome to the blog, Mike.

My sister, Gina and our cousin, Paula (ok, honestly she is MARRIED

to our cousin, but who's counting?)This is Thatcher's Grandpa Al. (He actually owns the cabin I was staying in!) I had the great JOY of sitting next to Al at dinner tonight...he kept our whole end of the table entertained!
AND, he ate every single bit of that dinner. And part of mine. The whole gang...
(we missed you Allison!)

One for the road...smoking our chocolate cigarettes...
I LOVE THESE PEOPLE! I loved this whole day...LIFE IS GOOD

That's the signpost up ahead

I first drove up to this cabin when my kids were really little. Allison, probably 7 or 8 at the time, was my co-pilot and did very well reading the map and the hand-written directions --given this was pre- MapQuest and/or GPS days...

It was dark, and she carefully read me the directions as we got closer to the cabin. Left at Paine Street. OK. Right at Moonridge. OK. Then, she said, "Left at Yin Road." OK...we drove on. No Yin Road. At the end of the road, we turned around and went back. It was very dark...and we did not find Yin Road. We pulled over...and realized that the directions actually read, "Left at Y in Road. " It's been a long standing joke in our home all these years.
I saw that sign again as I drove up here this week, and thought of how times have certainly changed and how now that I've driven here a dozen times or more, I don't even need directions anymore. When I got to the Y in the road, I knew exactly what to do.
Life lesson? Hell yeah.
See, the road ends at that Y and you MUST make a choice to go left or right at that point--or you end up in an cow field! I saw the sign again on my walk today and thought about all the turns and twists my life has taken this last four years...and all the choices that were made without a whole lot of direction--it was awfully dark at that point. I got to the Y in the road of my life and had to figure out which way to turn.
I committed at Yin Road, and--sans co-pilot, MapQuest or GPS--it was a turn toward the future. I realized that the other way really was no longer even an option.
But, just like that night nearly 20 years ago, I had to search for that turn. It wasn't clearly marked and the directions were kinda difficult to figure out. Of course once I got there I understood one thing very clearly--bright as day--
it's only the end of the road if you fail to make the turn.

Mountain DO!

For years and years I came up to Big Bear--to this cabin--alone--to relax. I was always retreating from work and school, as well as cooking, cleaning, oh, and a husband and yeah, kids. I came up here like clockwork--when Allison and Zac were at camp--twice a year--spring and summer. And it was great. I would sleep, read books, watch movies, nap, journal, and I would stay in my pajamas for three or four days straight. And I loved every second of it!

This week finds me up at this beautiful cabin--by myself--again, for the first time in many years. I've brought books and movies and journals...and my jammies. As well as pancake mix, lots of coffee, cookies, pasta, pop tarts and wine. I remembered how much I loved to just STAY in and do NOTHING!
But, as I sat here all day and all night yesterday, I realized that times have really changed. Yep, life is totally different now. I was in my pajamas, watching movies, journaling, reading magazines (and enjoying a pop tart or two)--and I had a revelation: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DO AT HOME!! I don't need to come up to Big Bear to do this anymore! Sitting and relaxing is not what I want to do in my time away these days...
I actually thought about packing up and heading home. Instead, I came up with a plan.
This morning, I got up and showered. I put on my warm clothes, along with a hat, a scarf and a jacket. And I went out! I went for a long walk, then I went down to the village. I browsed around in all of the cute little town stores. I had a pastry and a latte at the local bakery! And I sat on a bench and just watched people go by.
This is stuff I don't do at home.
It was so fun...really nice. It was truly a special treat and it was totally relaxing.

Life has changed.
...and I think I'm finally catching up with it.

Following Frankie's Advice

I am sitting in a cabin-wrapped up in a blanket with a cup of hot tea. The fire is glowing...outside it's snowing (well, there's snow!)...but the internet is not going!!! Yes, I brought 10 books to read and 2 journals to write in and a new address book to re-write...but...what am I supposed to do without the internet?? I know...relax. I'll get to it.
(Dear God am I grateful for this BlackBerry!)

You are so beautiful

Thank you, Courtney, for the idea for this one...

Regardless of how attractive a man is he will always become unattractive if he:

Is unfriendly.
Doesn't understand my humor.
Is wearing a necklace.
Gets angry or demanding with the waitress.
Says anything negative about baseball.
When told that I have four sisters says, "Your poor dad."
Doesn't call when he says he will.
Calls me "Dude"

Regardless of how unattractive a man is he will always appear more attractive if he:

Has a great laugh. And makes ME laugh.
Listens with his eyes.
Says my name when we are talking and when he leaves me voice mail!
Is wearing a Dodger cap/shirt/jersey. Or has a Dodger logo on his Visa card.
Is friendly to the server/valet/cashier. Extra points if, noticing their name tag, uses their name.
Loves to eat and delights in delicious foods!
Knows where he was when Gibson hit the home run.
Has traveled Europe and specifically loves Italy!
Speaks another language. Better yet, if he speaks baseball.
Tells me I am fabulous, gorgeous, beautiful or that I look like I've lost weight.

Happy Monday!

"Get over it!"

Get over HIM is what they mean.

Unfortunately, I have had too much practice with this lately. I have scoured websites and devoured books on how to go on, how to stop thinking about him and how to “get over” someone. I get it, he's just not that into me. But damn, it hurts. I don’t care what anyone says, it doesn’t get easier each time…and it sure doesn’t feel any different as you get older. I have felt like a 16 year old girl many times over these last few years as I lay crying on the floor with a pain in my heart that I never even knew existed. Do you know this feeling? You can’t breathe, you can’t sleep…you go over every single conversation you ever had with him wondering what you said or what you could have said to make him change his mind. You want to call him. You want him to call. You want to MATTER to him again.
All that to say, yes, I've lived through it. A few times now. Life does, indeed, go on. I went to work, I took the trash out, paid the bills. But, I don’t think you ever truly ‘get over’ someone. I think, if you have a heart and it beats at all, there is a special place for that person (or those people) in that healing heart...always. I think once you can finally accept that he has gone on, that he is not sitting there wondering how you are, that he is living is life just fine without you..the pain fades a bit and you do get used to the fact that he is no longer in your life. But I don’t think you ever really “get over it.” And, I've really started to hate those words. When someone tells me, “it’s time to move on…he’s not coming back…get over him!” it means they just don’t get it. Perhaps they think they are being helpful. Or perhaps they have never loved! You start to wonder if you are just plain crazy! I'm telling you, you’re not. I'm not! Nope. We’re full of love and the desire to be loved and admired and appreciated. We have so much love to give!!
For those of you who have suggested that someone 'get over it'…from now on, please just say, “I am sorry….I’m here for you…" or "that sucks…” Then offer something to do…anything! Go to a movie, dinner, a walk, a drink! Do NOT ask what happened, do not joke about him, do not tell us that he was a jerk, do not ask about him at all...and do not—repeat DO NOT—say “get over it.” Thank you. This will help immensely.
And…here’s my advice for the rest of us...my thoughts on moving forward...not to 'get over it', but to get used to it.
1. Cry and cry and cry and cry. Cry until there are no more tears left in your body. Scream and cuss and get mad. Realize that it hurts and that you can’t deny it at all.
2. Get up off the floor and take a shower. Get dressed. Go to work. Or to Target. Or TJ Maxx. Or Pick up Stix. I always find it comforting to go somewhere and look around at all the people who have no idea what is going on in my life.
3. Don’t call him. If he has your number and knows where you live and hasn’t contacted you, well, no amount of your calling (to remind him how great you are) is going to change his mind. What helps me is knowing how very much I want someone to WANT to call me and to WANT to be with me. Obviously, he is not “the one”. I don’t take his number out of my phone though. I want to know it’s him if he calls. And, when I scroll past his number while looking for another, I offer a little positive thought to him and wish him the best. I really do.
4. Turn on Will and Grace reruns. Rent funny movies and laugh. Laugh a lot. Laugh out loud and realize that you did, indeed, live through it. DO NOT watch “The Way we Were” (and for the love of God, someone please come take this movie out of my house.)
5. Realize that he is out living his life, having fun and probably with another girl. (ugh!) And, he knows that you are fine! He knows that you have a fulfilling and wonderful life without him. (If you don’t, work on that right away!)
6. Take time to realize all the things that he did that were NOT so great. This is hard. I always find the best in everyone and have a hard time finding negative in people. But I am able to find realistic. He never brought me flowers, he didn’t call when he said he would, and remember that time he got so mad at the valet? OR, be honest and admit that you were on different paths…paths that crossed for a brief (and wonderful) time…but were not going the same direction. That’s a big one for me. Where THEY want to be in five years is often, unfortunately, far from where I’m going to be.
7. Do not talk about him anymore. Find ONE friend who will be there for you…one who will let you rant and rave and talk about it. But, for the rest of the world, when they ask what happened with the relationship…you simply say, “It ran its course.” Period.
8. Buy some ‘self care’ books and be the best person you can be. Take care of yourself. Be sure to eat and not drink too much and get some sleep. (One Tylenol PM can help you NOT wake up in the night replaying that last conversation!) Remember how great you are! You are.
9. Even in the midst of the pain, know that “this too shall pass” and that you WILL live through it. Take the time to grieve a little, read a little, watch a few movies and laugh a lot. Breathe. Stay busy. Clean your house! Call friends! Above all, enjoy life.
10. Open up your mind and heart to the person who is out there looking for you. Keep your eyes facing forward to the ONE…your true soul mate. Remember that no matter how much fun you had with the other man, he was not the one. And know that you are now free to find your true, real, love.
And, remember that baseball season starts next month! This gives you something to look forward to every single day!! (Ok, maybe that only works for me.)
Repeat after me: I am loved! I am worthy of love. I am beautiful and desirable and full of life! I can’t wait to find the man who I can give all this love to…one who will value it and cherish it and love me in exactly the same way.
In the mean time…go out and enjoy every single minute of your life! And, keep your eyes open. He’s on his way to you too…he might even be at Target. Or TJ Maxx. Or Pick up Stix.
Life goes on.
Get used to it.

Spontaneity

One of the greatest gifts to come with singleness is spontaneity.

Can I go tonight?
Yes!


PS Although I'm not gonna share the events of the evening, I will let you know that it included enjoying and devouring quite possibly the most amazingly delicious and unbelievably incredible cheeseburgers of my lifetime!
Enough said.

MLB Network

Baseball 24/7/365

Today, I consider myself the luckiest girl on the face of the earth...

All is quiet...(questions) on New Year's Day

1) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Went to Kenya. Went on Safari. Watched a goat get killed. Saw Billy Joel, The Who, Pearl Jam, Incubus, Flaming Lips, The Wallflowers, The Tubes, Counting Crows, Maroon 5 and Madonna! Met Greg Maddux, Russel Martin, Ned Colletti. Saw the Dodgers sweep the Cubs in the NLDS and went to each of the NLCS games at Dodger Stadium. Saw my son graduate from college!

2) Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year? Yes...and my new ones include staying healthy and being positive!

3) Did anyone close to you die? Yep, my Nana
4) What countries did you visit? Kenya and Amsterdam
5) What would you like to experience in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Seeing 125 on the scale. A Dodgers pre-season game (and how about a Dodgers World Series Game!) True love would be nice too.
6) What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory & why? May 3, May 25, August 16, September 9 & 15, October 4, October 6 & 26 and November 5. ALL great days. Now that I think back...it was a very good year.
7) What were your biggest achievements of the year? Keeping my home. Becoming debt free. Going to Kenya. Staying positive (for the most part!)
8) Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope. I have still NEVER called in sick to work. That's 30 plus years of perfect attendance. (Take THAT Cal Ripkin!)
9) What were the best things you bought? My MacBook Pro and my BlackBerry
10) Whose behavior merited celebration? Zachary for graduating from Loyola Marymount. Allison for moving to Kenya!
11) Where did most of your money go? My mortgage. And Target. And Dodger Stadium.
12) What did you get really, really, really excited about? My kids' achievments and the Dodgers going to the NLCS. And, some really great times with friends.
13) What song will always remind you of 2008? "Take me out to the Ballgame." Anything Counting Crows, "Human" by the Killers. "You found me" by the Fray. "Send me the miles" by Sarah Bareilles. And all that is Lady Gaga.
14) Compared to last year, are you: Wiser? Yes Healthier? Slightly... Richer? In many ways...
15) What do you wish you'd done more of? Kissing
16) What do you wish you'd done less of? Crying
17) How did you spend Christmas? Had my son, two sisters, two nephews and my parents over for Christmas Eve dinner. We all talked to Allison as she celebrated Christmas morning in Kenya. We were not allowed to purchase gifts so everything was hand made or re-gifted from our homes which gave each gift a special story. I worked Christmas day at the resort...grateful for my job.
18) Did you fall in love in 2008? No. But, man, did I like him a lot!
19) What was your favorite TV program? Will & Grace reruns. Freaking hilarious.
20) What was the best book you read? "He's just not that into you." Yeah, read it about 10 times.
21) What was your greatest musical discovery? The Killers, The Fray, Counting Crows, Sarah Bareilles
22) What did you want and get? Lots of GREAT adventures and new experiences with friends.Time in Kenya with my daughter and many other amazing people. The ability to say, "Both my kids are college graduates!"
23) What did you want and not get? A World Series Championship.
24) What were your favorite films of the year? The Visitor, Benjamin Button, U2 3D
25) What did you do on your birthday? Went to breakfast with a friend, lunch with other friends and dinner with even more friends and my family!
26) Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most? Greg Maddux (did I mention that I met him?)
27) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Same as every year...jeans and a t shirt (when I am not in a suit.)
28) What kept you sane? Sane? Me? Hmm...baseball and blogging. And good friends.
29) Who did you miss? My kids
30) What life lesson did you learn in 2008.
...it goes on.
31) What did you gain this year? A little self esteem and a whole lot of perspective.
32) What did you lose this year? My last grandparent.
33) Who was the best new person you met? Dave
34) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "We'd never know what's wrong without the pain... Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
35) Greatest hopes for 2009: Finacial recovery, good health, much love, lots of smiles and good times...for all of us.
Yeah...a HAPPY new year would be fabulous.

Less whine and more SHINE in 2009!

It's always a JOY to work New Year's Eve...
especially when you're with this GREAT group of people!
Hope your night was fun too...